KiGaMin's MarySue Parody!
by KiGaMin
Summary: The Imperial Princess of Mary-Sues, OOC canon characters and a very mean mocking narrator. You mix the whole thing, and what do you obtain? A parody. (Rated T for language)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Yeah. That's what I'm doing instead of writing my story. **

**Summary: The Imperial Princess of Mary-Sues, OOC canon characters and a kind of sarcastic author. You mix the whole thing, and what do you obtain? A parody. Enjoy~**

**Settings: the OC is leaving her town for the exam and she will meet the other characters. **

**Let me remind you that this is a parody, I perfectly know the OC is a Mary-Sue, I did it on purpose. So don't leave reviews like "YOUR OC IS A MARY-SUE DELETE HER NOW I HATE YOUUUU". Okay, I exaggerated, but yeah.**

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Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari walked slowly in the crowd, her gaze going from right to left, from right to left. Like a tennis ball.

People couldn't help staring at her. Everyone, even the birds, the butterflies, the bacteria (!) had stopped doing their activities to stare at her. A child let his ball drop on the floor. An old man even drooled. A bird that was flying dropped on the ground.

Though we could understand them. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was simply gorgeous. Her long silver hair cascaded on her back, reaching her slender ankles, though it had some golden, red, black, and even flashy pink and fluorescent orange locks. Her soft, dazzling, pure, innocent aquamarine-crystal-cerulean-azure eyes were so… please excuse the lack of vocabulary of the oh-so-ignorant-narrator, who can't find other word describing her eyes. So let's say her eyes are pretty.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was envied by every single woman. Yes, yes, every single woman. Which also means my mother, your grandmother, the Spanish teacher of the cousin of the son of the neighbor of Togashi… Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was slimmer than Yuki, her chest was bigger than Mikuru's, her legs looked softer than Haruhi's. The fact that she had the principal features of three moe girls isn't annoying at all. No, not at all. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari isn't annoying! How dare you think she is? She's kind, honest, tolerant… She could have been a Sister! … The narrator thinks that she should have become one and thus spare the poor canon characters from the horrible disease called OOC-ness. Excuse the poor grammar or the dumb narrator. The dumb narrator is just a normal girl, she could never be as good as Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari. Of course.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari wasn't only beautiful and kind, she was also extremely powerful. She was 3/4 vampire, 1/4 fallen angel, 1/4 demon, 2/4 yuki onna, 1/4 werewolf, 3/4 shape shifter, 2/4 fairy, 3/4 witch, 2/4 succubus, 3/4 ghoul, 1/4 mermaid, 1/4 elf, 1/4 fox demon, 1/4 shinigami, 2/4 wolf demon, 2/4 dog demon, 2/4 bird demon, 2/4 bat demon, 2/4 fish demon, 2/4 lark demon (…) 2/4 bakeneko…

Wait. Wait wait wait wait.

3/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 + 2/4 + 1/4 + 3/4 + 2/4 + 3/4 + 2/4 + 3/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 + 2/4 + 2/4 + 2/4 + 2/4 + 2/4 + 2/4 + 2/4 …

If you add all these numbers, you should find… 39/4. Which means that Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari had 9.75 bodies. OH! Her great-ness is limit-less!

…

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari could also prevent the future, or speak to the dead. Yesterday she argued with her dead father. He didn't want to let her take the exam!

But Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari is unfortunately not perfect. Her sense of orientation is awful. The last time she got lost, she was lucky, because she was saved by the great Edward Cullen, who fell in love with her, and left his Bella for her, but she told him that she didn't like him, and he got so mad that he bit her. Finally, she wasn't so lucky.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was in fact the princess of the country of the Pure Shining Rainbow Stone. Her parents disowned her after she got raped ten times, and she left her country and got adopted by two old people who considered her as their daughter. But… they both died.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari's life was so harsh… She had always been lonely, she never had friends. But why? WHY? She was beautiful, intelligent… People were just jealous. The creepy narrator first.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was half Japanese, half French. Though she could speak French better than Victor Hugo. The narrator is swearing.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari suddenly stopped walking, as she turned, facing the people who were stalking her.

"Arrêtez me suivît. Vous plait s'il," she said, in perfect French, her melodious voice resonating in the ears of the stalkers. It was like a lullaby…

The narrator is just wondering if what she said was right. Didn't she want to say "Stop following me please."?

No, of course, the French narrator is completely wrong! Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari is always right! The French narrator is a dumb girl! Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari is a goddess! … ¾ of a goddess?

The stalker looked at her, as she made her eyes flash red. A delicate, yet bloody shade of red. Terrified, the stalkers ran away. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari sighed. She hated using her eyes, but she couldn't help. She didn't want to be raped again. Poor girl. The narrator says it's well-done.

He eyes turned purple as a veil of sorrow hid her face. Her eyes could changes colors, depending on her mood. But she didn't know why they turned scarlet. It was a mystery for her… The narrator says 'Heck, use internet…'. But the narrator should shut up! No one should be rude with Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari!

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari looked at the ship that was going to lead her to the place of the exam. A prompt smile appeared on her face. It was faint. She hesitated. Was she really able to take this exam? She felt like it was a mistake. What if she was going to be a burden for the other characters?

The narrator agrees.

But it wasn't time to hesitate! She had worked hard everyday, and had learnt a great Nen skill in less than two weeks! YES! She was definitely going to take this exam!

The narrator says 'Sh*t.'.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari got on the ship, as she looked around us. All the other examinees' eyes were turned on her. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari instinctively covered her E-cup breasts with her arms, as she felt the lust aura coming from some of them. She shivered.

Finally, she noticed a blond boy, with blue eyes, and sat next to him. At first, he didn't say anything. But he finally decided to be polite and to look at her (the narrator says 'Curses.'.), his jaw dropped, and his eyes widened. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was the purest, the most gorgeous creature he had seen in all his life!

Not that he was really old. But still!

He didn't know what to say. Unaware of the effects of her beauty on him, Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari just smiled. She didn't know that her beautiful smile made his heart beat faster.

"Erm… Hello…" she said, starting a conversation. She had never been good when it came to socialization… But… But… She felt like she could trust this young boy.

"Hello…" he replied, turning his head to hide his sudden blush. The narrator is desperate.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari blinked few times, and then she thought she was bothering him, so she proceeded in getting up, when he caught her hand! She smelled like jasmine…

"Wait! Stay… here," the blond boy quickly said, trying hard to make her stay with him. The narrator says '**** Let her go!'. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari sat again. "Erm… What your name?" he asked her.

"My name is Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari, I'm half Japanese, half French, I want to be a black-list hunter to hunt down the people who killed my parents, and I'm fifteen. But you can call me Beth."

"I'm Kurapika, glad to meet you…"

The contact was made.

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari looked at the other examinees. They were staring at her and Kurapika. She felt awkward… scared… She wanted to hide!

Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari wanted to hide her gender; she asked the captain where were the toilets, and then, when she finally found them (she got lost because of her very bad sense of orientation!), she locked herself in it, and hid her breasts with bandages. Then, she wore a black cloak, and went back on the dick. She sat next to Kurapika. He looked dumbfounded! He couldn't recognize her!

"It's just me… Beth…" she whispered to him, so no one would hear her, "But ssssh!"

Kurapika nodded.

But the narrator keeps wondering how the hell she managed to hide her E-cup breasts with bandages.

Then, Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari took her guitar, and started playing a beautiful part. She wanted to sing, but the other examinees would hear her!

The narrator is grateful to the other examinees.

"Hello! I'm Gon! You play the guitar very well, Sir!" a little boy said, smiling at her. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari smiled back, and whispered a 'oh you know, it's nothing.'.

Oh, Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari was so modest! She noticed that the boy mistook her for a man. She sighed of relief.

Two hours later, Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari felt weird…

"There will be a storm. In two hours," she stated, her acute senses were never wrong. They would always help her to prevent storms!

The narrator wonders why she needs acute senses if she can prevent the future.

But now the narrator is having an Elisabetha-Amour-Cristalline-Lorelay-Luna-Aquahear t-Gracemoonbeam-Tsukinohikari-overdose. So please don't mind the sudden cut of the chapter.

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**A/N: Sooo. Yeah. Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari. =D **

**I hope it wasn't too boring. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to tell me what you think of it! **

**Also, for the French thingy… You have the right to make your character speak whatever language you want, but at least make sure what he/she is saying actually makes sense! I've seen tons of OCs who speak "French" and didn't making sense at all! **

**Of course, what Beth-thing said in French is completely wrong.**

**Bye Nee!~**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : HELLO MY FRIENDS ! *gets killed for the late update* **

…

**Yes, I know, I'm late. Sorry? **

**So. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOU REVIEWS! You don't even know how happy I am~~ Keep reviewing and you'll have a happy KiGaMin~ As for why I am so slow at updating… I like to say that it's because I'm lazy, but it's also because I love drawing. **

**I hope you'll like it~**

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Now that the narrator has had her detoxification –remember that the narrator had an Elisabetha overdose-, the story can go on.

A recap? The narrator will say that the oh-so-wonderful-and-gorgeous-and… OH! The narrator has cut her sentence because of her lack of adjectives describing Elisabetha's beauty! So pitiful. After all, the narrator is not as intelligent as Beth. Of course, Beth knows English, French, Japanese, German, Russian, Italian, Spanish, Chinese –Mandarin, Cantonese…-, Arabic, Hindustani, Greek, Latin… But that's not the point. Praising Beth could take centuries. So.

Beth has managed to hide her gender, despite the fact that it seemed impossible, and she stole Gon's script.

Yeah. It was exactly like that…

_-flashback-_

"_A storm is coming!" Beth said, her alerted eyes turning from cerulean-sapphire-aquamarine-baby-blue to bright amber. The captain started at her. _

"_Do you know when exactly it will hit?" he asked her, his voice revealing a hint of suspicion._

_Beth closed her eyes. She saw… the light… It… IT TOLD HER! IT SPOKE TO HER! THE LIGHT! The narrator wonders what the hell it has to do with the storm._

"_It will hit in exactly two hours, thirty-six minutes and 8.5 seconds," she answered the question. The captain, amazed, didn't add anything. Gon was looking at Beth with sparkly eyes… _

_-end of flashback-_

That was what happened. That was how Beth stole Gon's script, and Gon, powerless, let her say what he had to say. And so, the captain will never know that he is Ging's son. The narrator feels bad for Gon…

All the examinees were on the deck of the ship, including a so-perfect-that-it-is-annoying-and-I-want-to-kill- her Beth, a –very- cute Gon, and a –very- OOC Kurapika. They were going to Dole, and from Dole, they would go to the Exam Center.

Gon was fishing, a smile enlightening his super-cute face, and Kurapika was busy thinking about Beth's beauty. Of course! What could he do? Thinking about Beth's beauty was the best hobby in the world. Such a pity that most of us, poor and dumb girls that we are, don't know how to appreciate the delicateness of her delicate body that seduces delicately all the men of the Earth. Oh! Those poor, unfortunate beings are just like the oh-so-ignorant narrator. 'Let's make a club,' says the narrator.

Beth had started playing Mozart's Fortieth Symphony with her guitar. But hey, that was nothing, compared to what she did few minutes sooner! She could have been an orchestra all alone! Of course, since she has 9.75 bodies.

A moment later, a weird, tall, but quite handsome man, named Léorio, from what Beth heard, received a bucket on his head! The bucket got broken, and the pieces of wood flew toward Kurapika!

OH NON! His life was endangered! BETH HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! So she suddenly pushed Kurapika out of the way, and received the pieces of wood on herself!

Oh! Such a courageous act!

The narrator hopes that the pieces of wood killed Beth. What? It could have killed Kurapika, right?

But nooo, of course, Kurapika could have died, but not the Imperial Princess of the country of the Wonderful Sparkly Scarlet Emerald! Or was it the country of the Dazzling Delicate Lilac Stone? Or the Lovely Enchanting Heart of Diamond?

The narrator couldn't even remember what the hell the name of that freaking country was. Oh, it was all the same.

Wait, weren't emeralds _supposed_ to be _green_? … Oh well, Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari's greatness was limit-less, right? She could change the laws of Nature itself if she wanted to! The world could stop going round if she wanted it to! The humanity could perish if it was what she wanted! But no, Beth was a kind-hearted girl; she wanted the piece in the world, like Miss World.

When Kurapika finally realized what happened, the first thing he could think of was BETH. And also BETH. Or was it BETH?

"Beth! Are you alright?" he asked, obviously concerned about her condition. Beth slowly raised her head, blinked few time, and smiled. It was one of those smiles that could make the sun explode… Because it was even shinier than the Sun itself! The narrator is currently distributing free sunglasses. When Kurapika saw that smile, his heart nearly exploded, like the sun! Oh! Such a bright, shiny, beautiful smile! …

"I'm alright! But don't call me Beth…" she warned him.

"What should I call you?" he asked.

"Hm… Call me Edward."

…

The narrator is desperate. But Kurapika just nodded.

Two hours, thirty-six minutes and 8.5 seconds later, the storm hit, just like Beth said.

The examinees all looked at the main mast; it was glowing. Apparently, a lightning had hit it.

Beth, being a fortune-teller, had guessed that the examinees would ask what happened, so, before they could open their mouths, she told them:

"It's Elmo's fire. It is caused by static electricity. It's because the static electricity is composed of atoms of oxygen, iodine, fluorine, sulphur and carbon dioxide, and when those atoms are together, their chromosomes react, and they make light. It's a natural phenomenon; the atoms react, and their reaction gives light, potassium permanganate and ethanol."

People started at her. Such an intelligent girl –er, boy! And those people didn't even understand! She used so many scientific words! Oh!

The narrator just wonder why the hell electricity is composed of chromosomes. Ah… Couldn't she find a more simple explanation? Or at least, an explanation that actually meant something? Ah well.

Few minutes later, the storm got worse, and the examinees had to leave the deck. They all hid in the cargo area, feeling sick. Well, they _almost_ all felt sick… Almost.

Kurapika was just sleeping –and dreaming about Beth, of course, what did you think?-, Gon was helping the other examinees, who were getting greener by the minute, and Léorio was looking at his self in the mirror.

Beth, you ask? Beth… took her guitar, and started playing again to express herself… SHE FELT TOO SAD! Rain, storms… It was so sad… She felt like HER HEART was crying! It… The melody of the droplets that hit the window… It reminded her of so many awful memories! It was too hard! TOO HARD! The narrator thinks that when it comes to bad memories, she must be the best. Also, she wonders where that window Beth talked about is …

Such a cliché situation. Haha, she's so sad and depressed that it becomes funny.

Oh! The narrator is such a sadistic girl! Such a mean girl! Such a horrible girl! She deserves to be killed. Oh.

The captain went into the cargo area too; he wanted to ask some questions to those four…

He looked at the sick examinees, and nodded silently. They were weak.

"You four, the ones who are not sick, come over there," he said, or rather ordered, "What are your names?"

After then, Beth was too busy being emo to notice that Léorio was arguing with the captain. Or was it because the narrator was too lazy to tell what happened?

Ah well. When it was her turn to give her name, she had to think first… but it wasn't long, of course.

"My name is Edward Cullen the third. I'm a prince vampire, my skin sparkles. I'm vegetarian and I'm over one hundred years old. I like roses and fresh blood, even though I never told anyone. I want to be a black-list hunter because I want to kill the people who killed my parents. My parents were so kind. They didn't do anything bad, they were innocent! No, in fact, I think it's because they were jealous, my mother made the best blueberry pies in the town!"

…

That was what she said. Exactly.

The captain kept staring at her for awhile, and then, all the people in the room started crying for her. Her life had been so harsh…

There was a man in the room, who got particularly interested in Beth. Or Edward, as he knew her. He didn't know she was a girl!

His name was Ko. Just Ko. A 'K', and an 'O'. Nothing more. Just Ko. He didn't remember what his last name was. He was amnesic…

…

No in fact, his last name was a bit weird, so he preferred saying he was amnesic. Well, his last name was Fouloupl.

As for why he got interested in Beth-Edward… It was because he was gay. And even though this boy's face was hidden, he could still feel that he was soft and handsome… He would definitely be the uke. Just at the thought, Ko giggled.

Ko missed half of what happened, because he was busy trying to imagine what Edward would be like if he was bare-torso.

All of a sudden, Kurapika and Léorio went on the deck. They were going to fight!

Don't forget the pop-corn~

Desperate, Beth followed them, while crying; her soft tears were flooding on her soft cheeks, as her soft voice was begging the two young people… Ko followed her.

But that didn't stop them. Léorio couldn't stand Kurapika's rude manners! But it wasn't a reason to insult the Kurutas! From was she heard, Kurapika was the only survivor of the massacre of the Kurutas… That was so sad…

Gon followed them, looking calm. Then, he finally found his script.

"Mito-san says that when two people are angry, let them know why, and then they'll know the other one better," he said.

But the fight didn't really happen… Because a man fell off the ship! Beth's first reflex was to jump, to save him! And so did Gon and Kurapika, and Léorio held them all.

They had caught the man. But… Beth's hair was revealed. It fell off the hood, because of her position… Oh! Such a wonderful hair… It glowed in the night, it was so shiny! Just like strings of moonbeams… Was her hair shining because of atoms of oxygen, iodine, fluorine, sulphur and carbon dioxide, which were together? No, of course not! Was it because she used this new shampoo made by L'Oréal Paris? No, of course not! Her hair was naturally shiny! She was Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari, after all!

But her gender wasn't a secret anymore!

Few minutes later, when they were all back on the deck, safe and sound, Ko realized that the man of his dreams, of his life, was a woman. And Léorio realized that Bet was gorgeous, and he had to try to seduce her. And Gon thought that she was very pretty. And the narrator felt sick.

It was a shock…

BUT IT WAS NOT A PROBLEM! Ko decided that he wasn't gay anymore: he was straight and he loved that girl! Elisabetha was her name? Oh! He already loved it.

The narrator wonders what the hell happened. Did a gay man just stopped being gay for Beth? Oh.

It was shock, indeed.

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**A/N: Yay. **

**Did you like it? Did you? Did you? Pwetty pwease, let me know what you think of it~ I hope it was funny… I dunno, I feel sleepy... **

**So.**

**Just to let you know, what Beth said about Elmo's fire is absolutely wrong. I just chose random things and put them together to make it sound like scientific-ish. XD**

**As for Fouloupl… XD It is in fact: ****F****ruits ****ou****L****égumes ****ou****Pl****antes. Get it? XD It's a sorta word a friend of mine and I made. XD**

**Soooo~ Please review~ Let me know if there's any grammar mistake… I have some doubts about this chapter, dunno… **

**By Nee !~ **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N : Hiyaaaaaa~ *gets killed***

**Yeah I know, I'm really annoying, with my super late updates… Sorry? **

**Anyways, thank you so much for your reviews! **

**And thanks to Cursed Bunny for helping me come up with some ideas~**

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Now that the narrator has recovered from her shock, the story can go on.

A recap? First, Beth's gender has been revealed, and her awesomely gorgeous hair was shiny enough to enlighten the whole deck. … no, the whole ocean. Even the fish, in the sea, were staring at her through the water, with the same shining teary eyes as the first immigrants seeing the Statue of Liberty (the narrator wonder how the hell she managed to know the fish's eyes were teary, after all, they're in water…..), even the sharks had stopped any activities to look at her, even the plankton! The angelic shine emanating from Beth's hair was so holy that it was able to resurrect a fish, already half digested in the stomach of a shark. The eyes of the examinees were shining with both amazement and admiration, and some of them even shed tears… Just like the fish. The captain of the ship fell on his knees, murmuring repetitively "It is… It is… an angel…", raising his hands. Kurapika almost expected her to grow big and gracious white wings. Ohh. The narrator was the only one who was insensitive enough to resist the wonderful and gorgeous and enchanting and prodigious and stupendous and amazing and magnificent and splendid and royal and lovely and glorious and outstanding and brilliant and graceful hair of the equally awesome Beth. Duh, of course if Beth was awesome, her hair had to be too. Every single part of Beth's slender body was holly. She could bless you when scratching, slapping you, because, hey, her oh-so-prodigious hand touched you! You should feel grateful. And if you manage to get a single hair from her, then you've bought your place in Heaven. Oh.

The Narrator wonders why the author wrote more than 194 words just to describe the awesomeness of Beth's hair. Of course, the author has the answer. But the Narrator doesn't. Now, the Narrator wonders why the author is speaking of herself with the third person. That, even the author herself doesn't know.

So, let's come back to the recap. After the revelation of Beth's gender, Ko, a young man who used to be gay, suddenly changed his mind and decided he was straight, and in love with Beth.

Because of course, you know, Beth is so awesome, that both men and women should fall in love with her, so yeah, gay men should stop being gay to fall in love with her, and straight women should stop being straight to fall in love with her too. What? What the hell did you think? Beth is the most awesome being on the Earth! Even animals should like her! Don't you remember? Even BACTERIA! PLANKTON! That's why Beth is so fragile –despite the fact that she is overly powerful, duh-, bacteria like her soooo much that they're always harassing her. Duh. Yeah, of course, she is ¾ of a goddess, she has 9.75 bodies, buuuuut, when she catches a cold, it's the apocalypse.

But of course, when she catches a cold, she will still look sexy, and gorgeous, with her sweat running down her neck, and her suffering face. Nooo, of course, sweating-Beth is still the Goddess of Beauty, she could make Aphrodite green of jealousy. It's not as if sweat made people look disgusting and, it's not as if sick people looked like ghosts. Heh, Beth's sweat smells like the N°5 of Chanel. Duh, what did you expect? Shouldn't you have gotten used to it already? No? Then, it's bad. VERY bad. Because Beth's story, Beth's whole being, is Perfection itself.

Isabella Swan, THE girl who made THE Vampire (with a capital V) fall in love with her after having been alone for more than one century. Amu Hinamori, the little magical girl who had more than three boys in love with her, and the most powerful transformations. Kirarin Tsukishima, the new super talented singer, who has more than two boys in love with her, and who runs around while screaming 'OH NON!'. Ichigo Momomiya, the great mew mew with her great powers, and three boys in love with her… Yeah. They were all special beings.

But.

Of course Beth is better than them… _the narrator lets you expect the worst._

So. Back with the story. So. Sooo…

…

The Narrator got lost in her thoughts. Oh! The awesomely awesome awesomeness of the awesome Beth took already more than the tierce of the chapter! The Narrator got lost in the Big Great Wave of the Awesome Qualities of Beth! NOOO! That… That was tragic. Getting lost in an endless path was more than tragic! It was.. it was… DRAMATICO-HORRIFICLY-TRAGIC!

But since this is BETH we're talking about, no one should die, everyone should be happy. Remember, she's Miss Universe, she can make the wars stop with a single snap of the fingers. Duh. So, the narrator quickly found her way. In fact, Beth's shiny hair was enough to guide her. Heh.

So. After then, when they went back on the deck, Léorio realized that Beth was the sexiest girl he had ever seen, and even Gon, the little innocent boy, felt like kissing her. Kurapika, who already knew about her true gender, still found her more gorgeous than ever, as if he had always known her.

That was where the Narrator felt so sick and shocked that the author had to cut the chapter. Well, of course, admit that it was shocking! How the hell could the innocent and pure-minded Gon suddenly think about KISSING her? What the hell? Did he even know what it meant, before he saw her?

But nooo, of course, we just have to understand that everything can happen, with Beth. And reaaaaally, we can understand why Gon had this idea. If you understood what the mean narrator said before, the whole body of Beth is attractive and holly. SO. That includes, if you understand, her mouth. So, if you have understood this explanation, you should understand why Gon suddenly changed. Get it? You wonder why the Narrator wrote six times "understand" in this paragraph?

…

This was just to reinforce the fact that you still don't understand.

The next part is a lot more interesting… Because this is when they arrived in Dole!

The storm stopped just as it came, very abruptly. Or was it because Beth's purity made the clouds ashamed of hurting this wonderful girl's emotions, with their droplets falling on the non-existent window? The same droplets that made her so sad she wanted to cry? Ohhh. Mean, mean clouds.

And the rest of the voyage was easy to sum up. After Kurapika and Léorio apologized, Beth made one of haha-I'm-so-happy-that-you-are-friends-now face, and then proceeded into telling them some very captivating and interesting stories.

Of course, the narrator KNOWS you guys are currently biting your tongue so hard , digging your nails into your palms, widening your eyes so had they almost fall out of their sockets, because you're so curious, right? So, kind as the great narrator is, she will share those masterpieces with you.

The first story was really amazing. Beth started:

"I was walking in the street… And… and… I saw… A car!"

"OHHHHHHHHH!" exclaimed the three others.

"And then… I saw… A bike!"

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

That… That… was wonderful. So amazing! So prodigious! So awesome! So beth-some!

Hm? You're waiting for the next part? But, hey, that was all! She walked in the street, saw a car, and then a bike! That's the first very amazing story! But of course, the way the narrator says it and the way BETH, the great Elisabetha says it, are completely different! The narrator is so lame, compared to the great beth-some Beth.

Oh, by the way, did you notice this very new adjective? Here it is:

**Beth-some [****bɛ́****θ****sə́m****] (also "bethsome"), **_**adjective**_

**1. Everything that is Beth-like; 2. Used to describe something close to Perfection (ex: **_**Oh my God! This is almost beth-some!**_**). **

Of course, this definition is wrong; nothing can be Beth-like! Then why creating such a word, you ask? Oh. My. Still don't get it? It's to talk about Beth, and Beth only! Only Beth can be beth-some! She deserves to have her own adjective!

Oh, the narrator is getting off-topic again…

So. Beth was telling her bethsome stories. The first story was incredibly wonderful, Beth was so creative! But, that wasn't the end! Beth had a second story to tell!

"I have another story to tell! It's even more astonishing!"

"YAAAAY!" shouted Beth's new friends, eager to hear the story.

"Last time, when I went to the shop… I bought… bananas!" she said in a very suspenseful voice, her eyes proving the veracity of her words.

"OHHHHHH!" exclaimed her new friends. Their jaws were about to reach the ground, Beth's story was so astonishing!

"And then… I saw… a man… He shocked me! He… He… He was… He was… BUYING CABBAGES!" she ended her sentence, as she burst into tears.

How shocking… A man… Buying cabbages…

"BOOHOOHOOOHOOOO!"

Ohhh… Even Kurapika, Léorio, Gon, and Ko, who was eavesdropping them, starting crying.

Then, Beth wiped her tears off of her face. When she was crying, her eyes would turn a bright shade of pink. How wonderful. Ohhh.

Then, when they finally stopped crying, Beth showed them her brightest smile, and her eyes had turn a light and soft shade of orange. Kurapika felt like melting. Ohhh…

"And this is time for the last story!" she say with her joyful voice, "That one is very funny though!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"So. I was walking in the market. And I saw… a woman…. Cutting an apple! Hahaha! And then… And then… SHE ATE IIIIIIT! HIHIHIHI!", Beth burst into a clear and graceful laughter, and so did her friends.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The narrator was left alone, wondering what was her problem. Apparently, it must be have been so funny for her, to see a woman eating an apple. No really, it was soooo funny. Hahaha.

Few hours later, they were in Dole.

The narrator didn't care that the change of events was too sudden. She in fact felt so sick that she didn't want to tell what happened after the Great Session the Three Most Amazing Stories in the World. It was mostly a Great Session of Watching the Super Amazing Beth.

So. When they arrived in Dole, the captain told them the way they had to go, but Léorio didn't agree! Which was normal. But that wasn't the point.

But, instead of doing the foolish thing he did in the original work of the hiatus-lover Togashi, he simply decided to go where Beth went. And Beth, decided…

"I'll follow what the captain says! I believe in him!"

She put a hand on her heart, her lovely eyes turning indigo. Kurapika agreed with her. Gon nodded.

So, Léorio followed her. Of course. After then, there was this stupid and annoying guy, who, even though Léorio would never listen to him, tried to convince him to take the bus. Léorio, annoyed with him, punched him, yelling him to get lost. And, then, they started walking for the tree the captain talked about.

The narrator didn't remember the name of that annoying guy. That was probably because Beth's presence was enough to erase his, and thus, make several people who got to know him forget his name. Of course.

Not that he was very important. Tch.

Ko managed to follow them, and prove them he was trustworthy when he saved Beth from being crushed by a wild pig.

The narrator wonders why the hell she couldn't have defended herself alone. She had 9.75 bodies, right? She had once saved Kurapika's life by preventing him from being hit by little wooden pieces, right? She could talk to animals, right? She was almost a goddess, right? She was beth-some, right? But then… Then… Why wouldn't she have defended herself alone?

The answer is simple: a new bacterium had fallen in love with her! It made her feel weak! Ohh… Therefore, she couldn't defend herself!

But then, the narrator wonders how the hell an almost-a-goddess wouldn't fight a ridiculous bacterium.

The answer is simple: …

…

…

Oops, plot-hole. Hehe.

When they arrived in the little village, Beth's fortune-teller abilities made her guess what they had to say, and thanks to her, they made it!

The narrator knows it's going on really fast, but oh well. It's all because Beth could change time if she wanted to. Didn't you know? The calendar in their world was a lot different than the one you know (because Beth wanted it to):

January, Avril, March, Juillet, May, December, Jugastu, September, February, Hachigatsu, June.

If you count, you should find 11. Yes, in Beth's calendar, there are only eleven months. November got deleted, because it was the month when the unluckiest event happened in her life.

Was it normal that it was also the month of birthday of the Author?

There was nothing to say on Beth's behavior, she was just so beth-some. The old woman of the Doki Doki quiz even cried when they passed. She hadn't seen such courageous and kind girls in centuries. (Just how old is she?!)

After then, for some reason, Beth got knocked out. Why? Because the narrator was fed up, and the author had to do something about it. And then? Kurapika carried Beth all the way to the exam center, while Ko was raging, promising he would kill him. Léorio too, was jealous. Even the happy-cute-kawaii Gon was jealous.

That was the end. Gon… Gon had such an impure feeling as jealousy. Oh. Everyone could be jealous, but not Gon! His kind, free and bubbly personality wouldn't allow that!

Oh well. Beth was so great that she could change people's minds in a fraction of second.

Yes, yes, my dear friends, 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000001 second was enough for her to completely change a person's personality. Of course. She could make your parents hate you, like she could make your worst enemy fall in love with you. She could change a simple carrot to a radioactive carrot like she could make a rotten tomato edible. But the two last ones were rather off-topic. But oh well, they weren't wasted words; they were used to talk about Beth! Such a glorious act.

When they got into the Exam Center –oh!-, Beth woke up. Her eyes were a delicious shade of green.

Oh, the mean, violent, disgusting and horrendously horrible narrator felt like taking her eyes out of her eye sockets, and give them to dogs, if they were so delicious. Ohh…

Beth moved slowly. She felt so good in Kurapika's arms… He was so soft and kind with her… She felt like a little sister to him.

OHH. Such a pity for Pika-chan, Beth didn't like him as he liked her! Nyahahahaha.

But nevertheless, she got up and cast a rapid gaze around the center. She got the number 407 –Ko got the 406.

As she looked around her, she noticed a lot of people noticing her, and realized she had forgotten to put her cloak on. She shivered… Her dark memories came to the surface… NOOOOOO!

She started repeating to herself to calm down, but, she just couldn't! It was too hard! THE LIGHT WAS DISAPPEARING! NOOOO! It was the dark… THE DARK! IT WAS KILLING HER! NOOO!

The narrator was so happy to see Beth in such a situation that she applauded. Haha! Admit that it was funny!

The narrator almost got killed.

Suddenly, her sudden massive chronic mental crisis stopped, and as she raised her head, her beautiful –now maroon- eyes met royal blue ones. She looked at the owner of those deep eyes, who was staring at her. He had messy very soft-looking silver hair, and a very pale deliciously cold-looking skin. He was wearing dark blue shorts, a purple shirt upon a dark red turtle-neck shirt, and he had weird boots. He looked twelve or so, and the more she looked at him, the more she felt attracted. As if… as if…

NOOOOOOOOOO! KILLUA! The narrator couldn't let that happen! Everyone but Killua! NOOOOO! NOOOOOO!

As a miracle, Kurapika squeezed Beth's shoulder softly, and, like a bubble bursting, she woke up.

The narrator sighed, and stared at Killua. The she sighed again, her eyes almost turned into hearts~

Yes, the narrator knew the name of this strange -but amazingly cute- boy. Beth didn't. She could have guessed, buuuut. Heh. Apparently her powers were here to make her sound amazing, she almost never used them. Suuuch aaa piiiityyyy…

But a few minutes later, the narrator noticed that Killua was still staring at Beth. SHE ALSO SAW HIM BLUSHING! NOOOOOO! Noooo… Beth, Beth! The Narrator never loathed someone as she loathed that stupid b*tch. That Mephistophelian creature, that horrendous being, that devilish monster, that satanic freak! That girl was not a goddess! She was the reincarnation of the Devil! Satan, Mephistopheles, Belzebuth, Lucifer… They were all peopling her mind! AAAARGH! (yes, the narrator was so shocked that she forgot that "they" are in fact "he", since "they" are the different names of **the** Devil)

Shocked, the narrator fainted.

* * *

**A/N: NOOOOOOO! KILLUAAAAAA! *cries a fountain and gets killed for making him fall in love with her***

**Yeaaaaah. **

**I feel like this chapter is not as funny as the others… If there's something bothering you in the chapter, tell me. **

**Thanks for reading, I hope you still liked it… **

**The definition of beth-some is all made up by me XD, as for the phonetics, I found a website that made them up for me, I don't remember which one it was though I think you could easily find one if you ever need it. **

**Thanks again, and…**

**Bye Nee!~ **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N : I have a declaration to make. I'll very soon participate to a contest! It's an international contest, the prizes are awesome and and and… The theme is "The slowest updater ever". **

**I'm sure I'd have a decent prize, right? Togashi would have the first, of course. **

…

**Yeah. -_- **

**I know, I know you suddenly had an urge to rush at me and behead me. =D **

**Right so, let's talk about happier things, okay? Something like the story for instance. **

* * *

The narrator was emanating a very, very, very creepy aura. Which was why no one helped her. Not even Gon! Gon, who even saved flies and caterpillars from the very bad mean –cute- Killua! But she eventually managed to wake up before the exam started, and started a my-glare-will-kill-you-someday session with Beth. But the latter's innocent and kind mind wasn't creepy enough to respond to that. Oh, such a mean, naughty, bad, creepy narrator.

The narrator got up, and stared at the people around her. She noticed Killua, squealed, and then saw that he was staring at Beth. The narrator cursed. Then, she looked at Hanzo. He was staring at Beth. Then, she looked at Tonpa. He was drooling, staring at Beth too. And then at the Amori brothers. And guess what they were doing? The narrator is sure you'll never guess. Haha! They were staring at Beth! You didn't know, huh? Tired, the narrator looked around the big room; all the examinees were staring at Beth.

…

Great.

And what was Beth doing? She was laughing very happily and gracefully, her cheeks were blushing slightly, her soft silver hair was fluttering around her. She looked so happy, so calm, so innocent and candid; she apparently didn't noticed that 406 people were staring at her, drooling, blushing, gulping, gasping, sweating, or even worse –the narrator didn't even want to imagine what was happening to the worst perverts-, even though she was the one who saw the light leaving her. Yeah, you know, THE LIGHTT THAT SPOKE TO HER. It left, when she saw her SAD MEMORIESSSS of when she was raped. Ohhhh. You could never guess she had a sad past. Though she will always tell you, in her introductions.

A last participant arrived. No one cared though, they were still busy staring at Beth who was joking around with Kurapika. The latter was even so happy he was seeing sparkles all around the room. The narrator choked on her saliva; EDWARD CULLEN sprinkled his creepy sparkly make-up around the room! Yeah, she believed it was make-up.

The narrator looked at the new examinee. It was a pretty blond girl, with blue eyes. She was wearing some kind of rich clothes that looked impracticable, and noticed her hair was divided into two enormous curls. The girl was walking, holding her head high. Her backpack looked like it was made in silk. Ah, and her shoes were so clean that she could see her reflection into them.

What the narrator noticed first was that she seemed immune to Beth's goddess power!

And that she looked rich and arrogant.

The girl frowned and came next to the narrator. The narrator blinked.

"My name is Marie Anne Françoise Rose Béatrice Ludivine Lucie Saint-Pierre De la Roche-Comté-Balzac, and from now on you're my servant," she said to the narrator, with a very Frenchie accent that was so flagrant that it looked like a nose on the face –except your name is Lord Voldemort-, looking more arrogant than ever. The narrator frowned. "As you can see, I am French, and I am an aristocrat, so you better listen to my orders, or else…" she threatened.

The narrator kept silent. And rolled eyes.

"Oh, Bonté divine…" Marie sighed, and noticed that everyone was staring at Beth. "Qui est cette jeune demoiselle?" she said to herself.

The narrator understood that she meant something like 'who is that young girl?'… She immediately wondered if Beth was going to have a very interesting conversation with her in such good French that it would make Alfred de Musset jealous, in his grave…

The narrator supposed Marie took Beth's behavior as a challenge, and went right next to her. After all, as an aristocrat, no one, NO ONE had the right to resist her. Beth looked at her with her –now golden- eyes, and smiled tenderly. Marie had this unpleasant arrogant, over proud look on her face.

"She looks so kind and nice! I'm sure we could make friends!" Beth thought to herself, apparently not noticing the death-glare Marie was showing to her. Of course, Beth is so kind and tender and fond and innocent, she could never be mean, not even with an insect! Of course, in allll her life, she never ever stepped on any insect! Not even the acaroids, even though they proliferate and are nearly everywhere; of course she can see them! She can see acaroids, and other micro-organisms, she has an electron microscope in her eyes! Yet she can't see that Marie is a very mean girl, and that 406 people are staring at her with non-Catholic thoughts. Even Gon. Even the girls. Don't you remember? Does the narrator need to remind you? Everything, everyone, from plankton to UFOs, from worms to vegetables, from Yuki Nagato to Léorio's sunglasses, from Kyouko Sakura's pocky to the great detective dog Kun-Kun, likes Beth. That includes both genders!

Of course, you can wonder why the author used double-quotes for Beth's thoughts. That, even the author herself doesn't know.

…

OH NO! It means the author has been affected by Beth's greatness! NOOOO!

The narrator nearly fainted.

"Don't even question me, stupid girl, you are going to be my servant," the French aristocrat said for a second time, to Beth that time.

Sacrilege. Horror. That… Telling Beth… to be her servant… That was… that was a sin.

The examinees glared at Marie, who didn't even bother.

Apparently she didn't notice either that 406 people were glaring at her, feeling urges to behead, dismember, disembowel –or worse- her.

"How dare you asking such a horrendous thing to Beth!" Kurapika yelled.

"Ho-hora, Pika-chan…" Beth murmured. Kurapika's heart beat faster… She called him Pika-chan! It meant that he was… he was close to her! He felt like he was on a little cloud. Ahh life was so awesome, no need to avenge anyone, he didn't care anymore! The Genei Rydoan was his friend! He loved Beth!

The narrator gulped.

Marie narrowed her eyes.

"Who are you?" she asked Beth.

"My name is Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari. I am willing to become a Black List Hunter to avenge my family… I hope we can become friends, you look so pretty and kind!" Beth introduced herself, her hand laid on her heart, her eyes turned candy-pink. The narrator noticed her introduction was really short, for once. The narrator also noticed Marie's name was as long as Beth's. Not that Marie was as great as her, but hey, she was French! And she was an aristocrat! She had to have a long name!

When the examinees heard the word 'avenge', they started crying. All the 406 –even Killua!- examinees were crying. It was a flood, a deluge of tears. The narrator noticed the level of the river-of-tears was rising up. Now it reached her ankles.

"I don't need to be your friend! I don't need friends especially when they're like you, you stupid idiot girl!" Marie yelled, obviously annoyed. Even though she was arrogant, she was the one the narrator could understand best.

Of course, they are both very mean to the poor, unlucky Beth!

Beth… started crying. The narrator saw a few flowers growing from the tears shed by Beth. Roses. Scarlet, gorgeous roses. The narrator looked at the river-of-tears. She would rather have expected seaweeds –roses don't grow under water!-, but hey, seaweeds are disgusting and completely unglamorous! Beth's tears are absolutely pure! If you drank one of her tears –yuck, the narrator thought-, it was just as if you had drunk the whole Fountain of Youth!

The narrator thought it was better to call the Fountain of Youth 'Fontaine de Jouvence', because hey, you know that Beth speaks French. She is even better than Maupassant.

The examinees kept crying, when they saw Beth's tears. Some of them threatened to kill Marie, who was still glaring at Beth. But of course, it would make Beth feel very bad and sad, so they won't.

The narrator started to seriously, very seriously worry: the level of the river-of-tear was reaching her waist.

"Tch… This is not the last time you hear of me, Elisabetha! I swear, I'll have my vengeance! Hahahahahaha!" Marie laughed evilly –with her hand in front of her mouth, rich-over-proud manner- and walked off from Beth.

The narrator blinked. And gawped. Marie was the cliché enemy of Beth! Meaning that she had tons of sins. She was a bit like… the contrary of the soft and caring Beth?

Beth blinked a few times and smiled. But then, she inopportunely tripped on her feet and fell on the ground, in a very cute, moe manner.

"Itta-tai…" she murmured, light tears in her eyes, blushing. Oh, so cute and moe and adorable and and…

The narrator shivered when she noticed the examinees were sweating… Oh yes, Beth was so hot and sexy, her moe-ness was absolutely fantastic! The temperature of the room rose of 5 degrees. Celsius, huh.

Marie pulled out of her bag a silky fan, and… fanned herself, looking just as over proud as before.

But there was something the narrator remembered… Where did all the water go? Did it evaporate, due to Beth's sexiness? But it evaporated before she tripped on her feet. AH well, Beth is always hot.

Suddenly, they heard a noise.

The narrator smiled. It was Satotsu.

Beth looked at him, tilting her head on her right. Satotsu flinched and… nose-bled.

He didn't say anything. He just nose-bled. And again. And again.

Finally, he fainted because of massive loss of blood, and nearly drowned! But of course, THE great Beth was here to save him! She made a triple gimlet and plunged in the water.

The narrator wondered if she hit her head. After all, the water now reached her knees. And the narrator was a small girl.

Then again, she wondered how the water re-appeared… This fanfiction had so many plot-holes that the narrator imagined if they were all reunited, she could make Milluki jump in.

Was it a sudden rain caused by Beth's power? Or the examinees' sweat?

The narrator turned green. Marie apparently noticed that earlier –aristocrat instinct-, and was standing on a luminous luxurious boat, playing the piano. She was playing a piece by Chopin.

Where did she get that boat? Was it in her bag?

The narrator sighed.

Back to the great Beth. Praising the enemy of Beth was bad!

She had saved Satotsu, and all of sudden, she got out of the water, making her hair fly, like the little mermaid's, and was now doing the mouth-to-mouth to save him!

The examinees were jealous. Satotsu had felt the silky –even silkier than Marie's dress!- lips of the Imperial Princess of whatever!

The narrator started wondering why princesses were so liked. After all, Queens were on a higher grade, right?

Oh well.

When Satotsu finally opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Beth's angelic face. Right above her, there was a flashing light.

An…

An Angel…

The narrator gawped. Again.

Killua was staring at beth, wide-eyed, as if he had seen his savior!

…

The narrator felt like shrieking.

Suddenly, the narrator turned pale. The… The author had forgotten… The capital letter at 'Beth'! NOOOOOOO! Sacrilege! The narrator felt a violent pain in her stomach… Not her heart, her stomach, because it's unglamorous, and the narrator is unglamorous. The narrator thought that it was the author's fault!

The author assured her that typing this story was already a pain, and moreover, she could do whatever she wanted to the characters.

The narrator glared at the ceiling, as if she could see the author.

If Beth had done that, everyone would have fallen on their knees and worship the ceiling.

But hey, that was the very unglamorous narrator. So they would have laughed at her. But they were still busy observing Beth's nice curves –she was all wet, duh.

Marie rolled eyes at Beth.

The narrator would have applauded her if she didn't hate her almost as much as she hated Beth.

Why?

Because she dared telling her to be her servant!

The narrator heard the mean author's mean laughter. And rolled eyes. (It was just like hearing yourself laugh. And roll eyes at yourself.)

Soon, Satotsu was standing again, and thanked Beth a thousand times.

Then, Beth begged him to be impartial with her, but… but… it was so hard!

Then, the narrator felt too lazy to tell what happened.

So she skipped and went directly to the beginning of the exam.

Fortunately, as normal as she was, the narrator was still given a sort of strength that would allow her to go till the last exam, because hey, she wouldn't be able to tell the story if she couldn't.

So the narrator ran, sweating like hell, tired… Her legs were aching; her lungs were like they would explode.

But Beth didn't even break a sweat. Of course. She was so powerful, when it was completely useless. The narrator was sure that if it was about a bad enemy –like a dragon, that is cliché enough- attacking her, she would have been petrified, on the ground –sitting, the glamorous way-, crying 'Iaaaaaah!', and Killua the strong –and cute- killer would have saved her like a prince saves a princess! Amazing.

The narrator felt like yelling.

She felt Killua passing by her, and squealed. The guy right next to her walked away, thinking she was creepy. Then, Killua, looking so cool on his skateboard, went next to Beth.

The narrator narrowed her eyes. Soon, the area around her was completely empty –due to the very creepy aura she was emitting, of course.

In fact, the narrator's secret dream was to be as creepy as Hisoka! This was why she trained everyday! She practiced Hisoka's creepy chuckle! Ha!

But the narrator was so deceived. The Hisoka in this fanfiction was… was… Ah! It was too hard for the narrator to say that! HE WASN'T CREEPY AT ALL!

No, because when he saw Beth, he saw her past, her tragic, horrible past, and he felt bad about all his kills! So he eventually decided to become a good guy.

Of course. Beth changed the mad crazy creepy scary fearsome pedo psycho joker killer to an Allie of Justice.

…

Well, if she wanted to, she could make Hisoka a lolicon. No, not a _shotacon_, a _lolicon_. Meaning that she would change his gender first.

The narrator shivered at the thought!

She glanced at her right. Marie wasn't running. She was on some kind of… rollers that did all the work for her. She noticed diamonds and sapphires incrusted into the white surface of the rollers.

Then, she looked in front of her. Beth was still running.

Suddenly, Léorio fell!

Gon, Kurapika, Beth, Ko, and Killua stopped. Marie also stopped, narrowing her eyes.

The narrator remained here, blinking. She wondered what would happen.

"Just… Just go ahead! Ha… I suppose… ha… I am too weak… ha… to take this exam…" Léorio said.

Gon looked around him. Apparently, he re-became innocent. He noticed Marie, and the narrator.

Marie was drinking tea. Of course, you might be wondering where she found the tea service –porcelain, of course. Probably in her bag. She did take a boat from her bag, right?

The narrator was busy squealing at Killua. Who didn't care, by the way. Beth's beauty was all for him!

The narrator stopped squealing and looked at the empty path in front of her. She wondered why all those people so obsessed y Beth didn't stop with her. Was it because Beth didn't want to?

Or was it another plot-hole the author purposely put here? In fact, the story itself was a bit plot-hole, the narrator was a plot-hole; everything was a giant plot-hole! But yeah, it was a parody, so the author didn't care.

Ah well.

"I'll carry you on my back!" Beth shouted. Her –now orange- eyes were shining with determination. Gon started hopping, squealing and saying repetitively 'kakkoii! Kakkoii!' with such sparkly eyes that even Edward Cullen would be jealous.

"I don't want to be a bother…" the poor doctor objected… How dare him!

"I… Léorio… You've always been protecting me. I… I was just such a troublesome girl for you. I want to be kind, for once in my life. I want… I want to protect the ones I like! I want to put a smile on everyone's face! You all, Gon-chan, Pika-chan, Ko-san, Killua-kun, Marie-san, the unknown girl over there, and you Léorio… I want to protect you! I don't want… I want to see everyone sad again… I don't want to see people crying!" she started crying, her eyes turning aquamarine, "You know… When I was small… I had this one friend… called Kurapika… He was wonderful with me. I loved him with all my heart. But one day… One day… I couldn't help him! I couldn't save him! And he died, all because of me! He told me to run away!"

The narrator, who recognized herself in 'the unknown girl over there', wasn't believing what she was seeing. What the hell? Did Beth just say she wanted to protect her? And Marie? Even though all they both could do was glaring at her? (since when did Léorio protect Beth, by the way?)

And why was she making such a fuss about that? He just didn't want her to carry him on her back… Yet she was there, crying, calling everyone her friend… Even Madoka would have been jealous of such a speech.

Though the narrator wondered… She talked about 'this one friend', called Kurapika.

The narrator assumed that there weren't that many Kurapika-s in the world. Plus, Beth was a Kuruta –yes, yes, really. Did it mean the friend was Kurapika, THE OOC Kurapika?

Impossible. What? She didn't notice he was right there? She didn't notice she was talking to him? Waaait… And the others didn't budge!

So in fact, just to make the tragedy last, no one noticed she talked about him. Great. Yet it was so flagrant! Just like an Edward Cullen in the middle of a crowd of TRUE handsome guys! Unless you think Edward Cullen is handsome. But this is not the narrator's problem.

After hearing Beth's heart-wrenching speech, Léorio accepted.

So, they continued running.

Eventually, Gon came by the side of the narrator, and talked to her.

"Neh, what's your name?" he smiled.

"Heh?" the narrator knew he was speaking to her, but she wanted to see his confused face.

"What is it?" he titled his head on the left. The narrator almost squealed. She knew she would make him scared if she did.

"Ah, nothing… I'm Yui!" she said quickly.

"Ah! So I'll call you Yui-chan! You seem to be really young… Aren't you too young to take this exam?" he asked her.

"I am 15, you know…"

"IT CANNOT BE!"

"…"

The narrator laughed nervously. Why did the author give her such a childish appearance? Of course, small and thin as she is, with ridiculous pigtails, of course she'll look like a stupid kid! Tch.

Then, she listened quietly to Gon's blabbering. His favorite topic was Beth. Then, it was Beth's hair. Then, Beth's skills. Then, Beth's skin. Then, Beth's eyes. Then, Beth's style.

Mito came last. He just quickly evocated her name.

You might be wondering why the author is still calling Yui-chan 'the narrator'. You knew her name, her appearance, right? But the author thought it was cooler that way.

Moreover, the narrator was just the narrator. She was sharing the mind of the author. If she was any kind of normal character, she wouldn't know the past of Beth. She was just the representation of the author. The Narrator wouldn't live without the author.

Of course, you might also be wondering why the hell the author and the narrator reacted at separately. That, dears, you might have noticed that sometime you argue with yourself, scold yourself, insult yourself, laugh at yourself of even hit, cut, slap kick yourself and be happy about making yourself suffer,(though at that state the narrator suggests you to see psychiatrist).

So? Get it?

"So your name is Yui? Glad to know you, Yui-san! My name is Elisabetha A-" Beth started before she was very rudely interrupted by the mean narrator.

"Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari. I already know. I've heard you saying it thrice already. Or even more… AH yes, you used to be Edward Cullen the third. And you want to avenge your parents."

Beth gawped. Killua glared at the narrator, who suddenly felt like a little mouse.

"You're awesome, you know all that!" Beth said vivaciously.

The narrator would have taken that as sarcasm, if it as any other person. But remembering Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari's name was a big challenge, so she felt proud.

Of course, she seemed to forget that it was the author who kept copying and pasting Beth's name.

Heh.

"Maa neh…" She murmured to herself, feeling like Killua was ready to behead her.

Why? Because she had been rude to Beth.

Kurapika blinked.

"Neh, Yui-san, do you have any hobbies?" he asked.

Thenarrator gasped… She would have liked to say 'I like imagining how my dear other self –the author- will end Beth's life', but she felt like Killua's reply was going to be lethal. Really.

"Why are you suddenly interested in knowing that?" she said quickly, insulting the author.

The author wanted to have fun!

"Nothing really…" he said, and stopped asking questions.

The narrator ran slower, in order to be a little forgotten. After all, she wasn't supposed to give a lot of information about herself. She was here to tell the story! She wasn't even supposed to be described, her actions should stay unknown! After all, how would she explain the fact that she followed the former-Gon-company-and-now-Beth-company without being noticed?

The author sighed.

Then, the narrator realized the story already had a lot of plot-holes. So it was okay. Plus, if she didn't have a name, she wouldn't continue; at some point, someone would have asked her name.

So. Don't forget that the narrator, even if she has name, a personality, and talks to the other characters, should only be considered as the narrator.

The author suddenly felt like giving Beth the power of teleportation. But wait… maybe she already had it… Oh well.

So. She gave her the power of teleportation –which made the narrator raise an eyebrow-, and in half an attosecond, they were in the middle of the big crowd of running men!

Yay.

The narrator decided to stay far from the group –she didn't want to be too involved-, but close enough to tell what happens.

Marie hadn't said anything, sadly.

She was busy staring at Killua and Kurapika.

Of course. As he narrator will remind you, the bad girl, enemy of the good girl, has to have the same love interests. Fufufufu. And to keep the suspense –the narrator sighed, thinking of how clichés were so predictable-, both the good and bad girl must like the same boys!

Of course, Beth doesn't like anyone for now.

But just wait. Just wait and watch shoujo animes.

It'll…

It will give you some ideas.

-insert here the devilish laughter of the narrator-

* * *

**A/N: Yayz. A long chapter. So a long A/N. Explanations.**

**Of course, as some of you have noticed, the narrator is just a bystander. But anyways, the other characters see her, she just manages to blend in. So I gave her my nickname : Yui-chan. **

**And yes, the narrator doesn't have any powers, or whatever. She just has enough strength to survive and follow the characters. Consider that her role is to tell the story of the magnificent Beth. More explanation about why she's here will come later, no worries. **

**I hope you found it funny. And enjoyed. And you know, even if the narrator has a name, the story stays a parody, and the narrator won't do major changes. **

**Thanks for reading! **

**By the way, the whole thing of carrying Léorio on her back is taken from my other story, the one I deleted because it just irked me. I told you. **

**Bye Nee! **

_**Lolicon = it's when you see in an anime a little girl… cute, of course, who… Well, it's when a grow-up of a teen (more than 16) likes a little kid, kinda. It's pedo, I know. It's not rare though. In animes you have different types of character. (lolicon = Lolita complex)**_

_**Shotacon = male version of lolicon **_

_**Kakkoii = cool. **_

_**Moe = cute, in a way that it makes you want to hug the character~ **_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N : … Now you all have a proof that I have weird ideas. **

**The last time I updated this story, I was 15. Hahahaha. **

**Alright, on with the story. **

* * *

Everyone in the Genei Ryodan had wondered at least once what Bonorenoff hid with those bandages. He was by far one of the most mysterious members of their group, and barely spoke. He was as talkative as a cauliflower.

Shalnark narrowed his eyes, searching in his mind the deep, deep, deep memories that hid deeply under the other deep, deep, deep memories that were hidden a little less deeply.

Yes, the last time Bonorenoff spoke was… a long time ago.

You all agree with that, right?

Eventually, Shal managed to clear his mind after two hours of intense pondering on the situation. He remembered…

"_HEEEEY! BONNIE-CHAN!" the loud voice of Ubo made the fragile headquarters of the Ryodan tremble, "D'ya want a hamburger? You know, those weird sandwiches they eat in… Emarika!"_

"_America, Ubo," Shal corrected his… friend. _

"_Oh yeah, you're right. Hm… So Bonnie-chan, d'ya want one? I managed to steal some in the nearest fast foot! But don't worry, the red things in them is kitchab! It's not blood, I took care not to kill anyone cuz I'm having a kind week!" _

"_Fast food, and ketchup, Ubo," the caramel-haired boy said, like an auto-corrector. _

"_That's the same! BONNIE-CHAN! ANSWER!" _

"_No."_

_They all froze. Bonnie-chan had spoken!_

Hm… That was how it went. Shalnark laughed at the nickname Ubo had found for Bonorenoff. Bonnie-chan. That sure sounded weird. It made him think of those old-mannered women during the Civil War in America, like in _Gone with the Wind_. Imagining Bono behaving like Scarlet O'Hara would have been funny though.

He thought of his friend, and of Paku, who were probably watching them from Heaven.

Or Hell…

Not that he believed in those.

He eyed the mummy-like member, who was sitting in a dark corner of the room.

And sighed. He really wondered what Bonnie-ch… erm, Bonorenoff looked like. Maybe he was a ninja? Maybe he was a CIA agent working for Near? Maybe he was Kira? Maybe he was an ESP user? He looked more like a mummy though.

Sooo, since he was bored, he joined Nobunaga and Phinks who were having a very interesting discussion on frogs and bees with Feitan. He could have sworn he had seen a platypus chuckling, playing cards. A platypus-version of Hisoka… How scary!

"Neh, guys, have you ever wondered what Bono looked like?" he asked them, in a low voice.

His question froze them.

"I do everyday… I mean, he is too secretive," Phinks replied first, glancing at the mummy-like person.

"Must agree. I do too. Bono weird," Feitan narrowed his already narrow eyes.

"Feitan, have you ever made a sentence with more than ten words?" the mint-eyed boy asked.

"I don't think he has…" the samurai said and yawned. It was boring. And they were getting off-topic.

"Shut up; or else… I kill you."

That sure was the proper answer.

"I know!" the eyebrow-less man exclaimed, "let's force him!"

"No. Torture him. Tear his fingers apart. Till he tell us. This way; fast, cheap."

"You guys are really weird…" Shal sighed.

They all glanced at their boss. They had already found a nen-remover, so Kuroro was back.

"We could just ask him…" the young genius said to himself.

Bonorenoff noticed the gazes of his companions on him, and slightly shivered when they approached him. Truth be told, he was very very shy!

"Neh, Bono, we're curious to see what you're like without your bandages… " Shalnark said in a diplomatic tone.

"I see…" Bonnie-chan replied, gulping. Was it the time to… show them?

"Yeah, show us!" Nobu and Phinks chanted together, attracting the attention of the others –among them, Kuroro.

"Alright then…"

Oh God, Bonorenoff had spoken two times! In a day! How amazing, how wonderful! How enchanting! How unbelievable!

Slowly, he started removing the bandages. The others stared at him, their eyes almost falling from their sockets. The boss narrowed his eyes, Machi seemed -yes, seemed- like she was a little bit interested –what an improvement.

And suddenly, the bandages fell… just to reveal the most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

Oh Gosh, even Kuroro felt very hot. Ha! This was finally the time for the narrator to be mentioned. Muahahaha.

Under the whole ton of bandages was hidden a graceful girl… Her long, very long wavy blond hair reached her waist, with some black, pink, blue, red orange, green, purple, periwinkle, amethyst, aghast, emerald, cerulean, sapphire, gold and silver stands, and her blue eyes glittered with other colors, like a rainbow. Oh, how amazing, how beautiful, how wonderful, how attractive. Could it be… That she could be as good as the great Elisabetha Amour Cristalline whatever? The narrator wondered. No, this was impossible.

Right?

Or…

Heeeeey, hey, hey… Wait. This chapter obviously sounds like it took place after, AFTER the death of Paku, meaning, erm, after the exam. WAY after the exam. So how can the narrator know about that? Is the narrator a fortune-teller? No, not at all. It was just a big horrible plot-hole.

So consider that suddenly Paku and Ubo are back.

Suddenly, Paku and Ubo popped up, wearing sweet Lolita dresses and collecting easter eggs.

Easter… Eggs?

Though it was written on their eggs "Merry Christer"… Ohoho, the two kids probably got confused with Easter and Christmas! Haha.

That sure was a funny image.

The narrator giggled.

"Noooooo! We were so happy in our world! We were collecting Christer eggs! We had our own hamburgers factory! And socks factory! And hambusocks factory! We were raising pastel pink green-dotted and violet-stripped bunnies! We had visited Neptune and Saturn and Jupiter and painted Mars in Pink and pastel blue! We had revived Napoléon and were having fun with him conquering Pluto even though dumbasses say it's not a planet anymore! We had finally befriended Edward Cullen and we were about to marry teletubbies! WHY DID WE COME BACK ON THIS CRAPPY EARTH? WHYYY! WHYYYYY!" Ubo cried, his dress floating.

Paku took a deep breath, and looked at the one who made that.

Bo-

Ubo fainted on her, making her faint too. He was dehydrated because of the big, BIG loss of saliva and sweat after sweating and drooling too much on Bonnie-chan.

Finally it was a good idea to come back.

Bono of course had D-cup breasts and an hourglass silhouette. That she had managed to hide behind her bandages for suchhh a long time. And of course, no one had noticed. And it's not as if Bono looked ugly with his bandages.

Of course, duh. She was so sexy.

The narrator wondered if she could be as great as Elisabetha Amour Cristaline Tsukinohikari Lorelay… No, Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Emerald Sapphire… Ahhh No! Elishabetha Amour Cristalline Gracemoonsunbeam Ofthegreenpinkredforest Coralibluewave! Oh my, the narrator got lost.

See, without the great author's SUPER COPY AND PASTE attack, no one can remember her name.

"Neh, Bono, why did you hide it from us?" Nobu asked, his voice betraying his current bewildered state.

"I… Well, I was scared you would underestimate me…" she said, turning her head. Her flushed cheeks tainted her pale and creamy face, as soft tears anime-appeared in her eyes, cuz you know it's so cute to have shiny tears in your eyes.

"WE LOVE YOU!" they all chanted, tralalalalalala we love you Bono. And they all got up, even Kuroro, and danced. They made a circle and danced happily, normally –kinda… Machi joined in, Kuroro too, Bonnie-chan was in the middle, gracefully laughing with a clear and soft laughter. And they were dancing like stupid monkeys, or maybe hobbits, or dwarves, or whatever. Haha, Snow-Bono and the twelve dwarves. Haha…

Alright, so you, behind your screen, because of course I know you're behind the screen, take a microphone and sing along!

Sing along with the narrator!

Tralalalala, Bono we lo-o-o-oove you!

You are so pretty, lalalalalala!

Tralalalala, Barbie is a chipmunk troll,

When you compare her to yooooo-o-o-ou!

Because you are, because, because be-be-because you aaare…

Miss WORLDUNIVERSEGALAXY!

TRALALALALALALALALA!

Well Beth is pretty too,

So we never know,

But you're still gorgeous,

TRALALALALALALALALALALAAAAA!

Tralalala, Bono we love you,

Tralalala, get rid of those bandages!

Tralalala, this song is so lame,

We're so sorry,

We couldn't make anything better for YOUUUUU…

Tralalalala, there is no rhythm,

No rhymes,

No tempo!

NO FREAKING MEANING!

We are so sorry, our dear Bono

But this song is so lame compared to YOU,

WE LOVE YOU!

Tralalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaa!

WE LOVE YOUUUUU!

TRALALALALALALA!

WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuu….

-x-

"Neh Yui-chan, what song are you singing?"

The narrator suddenly opened her eyes. Was she really singing? Oh crap.

"Nothing, Gon!"

The narrator got up and let her hair down. The pigtails were too… Yeah.

For a moment the author –her other self, remember- had showed her that Bonorenoff was Beth's secret rival.

Secret because they still don't know the members of the Ryodan. Truth be told, the narrator wondered if Kurapika would ever meet them. After all, Beth's presence made him sooo happy that he even considered giving up on vengeance.

Ah, but anyways, could it really be that Bono was as pretty as Beth? The narrator thought a lot, and concluded that she wasn't. She was just a pale made-in-China version of the perfect Super-Sue. Heh, she lacked the supersuename, the supersuepowers, everything. She just had the appealing body and the cute face and the wonderful appearance.

Then how in the world, in heaven and hell, in the universe and the galaxy, did we end up with finding a nen-remover to dearest Kuro-chan? Haha, ask Mr. Plothole. You don't know him yet? Well, say hello to MR. PLOTHOLE! He's been with us since the beginning. (insert a trollface right here.)

The narrator sighed. They had arrived at the Numele marsh. She narrowed her eyes at the disgusting amount of… disgusting things.

Beth looked happy, apparently she believed that those man-eaters creatures were kind and soft and whatever.

Satotsu opened his mouth to explain what was going to happen, but suddenly the "man" with his "monkey" arrived before he could say anything and started his speech of I-am-the-examiner-and-he-is-not. Sooner than expected, the narrator noticed, hence Satotsu being unable to make his speech.

But of course, Justice always wins! Beth used her super powers and…

"NO! You're lying! Satotsu-san is our examiner!" she shouted, pointing at him. While she said that, Satotsu started squealing like a little girl, his chipmunk voice repeating "Oh my god she is defending me!"

When the creature noticed her (how come he only noticed her now? Oh Blasphemy! Sacrilege! Infamy!), he fell on his knees and kissed the ground, murmuring repeatedly –the narrator felt like she had never heard those words as much as in this story- "This is an angel! An angel! And Angel sent by Leto for us!"

Oh.

Yes, Leto. Leto, the fake god in Fullmetal Alchemist. In reality, the shape-shifting monkeys in HunterxHunter are all the non-believers of FMA who got utterly traumatized by the war and Liore, and thus became insane and changed fandom, deciding to live a peaceful life to eat all the people they could eat. Their trauma is visible thanks to their catch phrase, "No! He is not the true examiner! I am the true examiner!", which is directly inspired from Cornello. Aha.

Then why did he call for Leto if he's a non-believer? Well, obviously because Beth started making him believe in him, since she's like the angel of alchemy.

Oh you didn't know? Well, now you do. Beth uses Alchemy too.

In the end Hisoka couldn't use his cards, and Beth stole him his role.

Not that he minded.

Sooo the monkey decided to join his family and tell them to go veggie, because eating people was bad and being bad was being Beth's enemy, and he didn't want to break the fragile creature's heart.

The group of examinees slowly started walking in the mud of the marsh. The narrator started wondering how they knew what to do and where to go, since Satotsu hadn't said anything.

Her phone suddenly rang and she answered it.

"Hello Miss Narrator, I'm Mr. Plothole, and from now your phone will ring every time a plot hole appears. So I'd advise you to put it on silence mode… Since it rang right now, it must mean that a plot-hole appeared, haha, I'm so busy. I swear all the plot holes in this story are making me such a busy daddy!"

He hung up without letting her place a word.

She shrugged and switched the phone on silence mode.

She already knew that she would surely end up with a vibrating massage by the end of the day.

-X-

The narrator had always thought the exam was hard, but truth be told, it was super easy! All the man-eating creatures were moving to let the Holly Beth run peacefully, and they all melt when she gave them a thankful and pretty smile. –riiing-

Oh sunshine of greatness.

The Gon crew, including her and Marie, followed her closely, even though the two latters obviously hated her. –riiing-

Very quickly, they had reached the big building of the true second exam. Yeah, the cooking. –riiing-

The narrator had troubles realizing how fast it all went. Where was Hisoka? –riiing-

The narrator bit her lips… Oh the author was recruiting a lot of people… A narrator, Mr. Plothole, who was next?

"Yui-chan! Let's talk a bit!" the clear voice of Beth called her.

The narrator glanced at her, noticing the blue-eyed boy's gaze on her. Hm, glare. A glare obviously spitting 'if you don't obey her you're gonna turn in Mac Donald's minced meat hamburger.' –riiing-

She gulped, joining the … bethsome creature.

"Alright, let's have a girl talk!" she giggled, letting Marie in the conversation, "So Yui-chan, who do you like the most? I mean, there are a lot of pretty boys in this exam!" Beth quietly said. Well, quietly was a big word, since the four boys were literally "widening" their ear to hear her blabbering. –riiing-

And heh, Beth had said that there were a lot of pretty boys in the exam, but truth be told, apart from the five main characters –Gon, Killua, Kurapika, Léorio and Hisoka-, it was like a big wave of normal-looking, or even ugly boys. In fact, they were like the only bishis in this exam, like a big stain in the middle of a crew of monsters, just as if the mangaka was saying "LOOK AT THEM ONLY". It wasn't realistic, but who cared? The narrator absolutely didn't mind that… She quite appreciated it. Five bishis. Kya.

"Hmm… It's hard to choose…" the narrator started, "but in the end I guess I like no one."

As the author said, no romance.

"Awww that's so sad Yui-chan!" Beth whispered. "And you, Marie, who do you like most?"

The blue-eyed girl blinked, wondering if it was okay to tell her or not. But obviously, because she's the bad girl and we need to have a shoujo bad girl with the same love interests as the good girl…–riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-

"I have a thing for the blonde and the silver-haired boys. I can't choose though…" she rubbed her chin, looking at the sky.

But she had hit Beth right in the middle of her poor little heart. She… She liked Killua… No way… –riiing-

Beth liked Kurapika a lot, he was just like her friend, but for Killua was different… She couldn't explain it! Ah love was so hard!

And of course love is very tough and harsh but still it only took three chapters to make her fall in love with Killua. Irony. –riiiiiiiiing- Oh Gosh the narrator was starting to get annoyed by this phone. So she switched it off!

"And you, Beth?" the French aristocrat continued, crossing her arms in a very I'm-superior-to-everyone manner, like a true Parisian.

"I guess… I guess I like no one, like Yui!" she uneasily said, meeting with the glare of the French.

"Ah, so you made this whole thing up to make me tell you who I liked, but you were never going to say anything, were you? You just wanted to know who I liked so you could steal him, right? ADMIT IT ALREADY!" she yelled, out of her mind. The boys were ready to jump and save their holy friend.

"I… No! I didn't intend to hurt your feelings, Marie! I swear I was going to tell you, but in the end I just…"

"I don't want to hear anything from you. I hate you!" the blonde said. She walked away. Meaning two meters away. Then she sat and cried alone forever.

Beth too was crying but she could be consoled by the boys. If you had to choose between crying alone forever in a cold place and crying surrounded by four bishis consoling you and ready to behead anyone coming near you, what would you choose?

And the narrator was alone, looking at them all, wondering how in the world the whole romance drama settled itself… What the hell?

It went so fast that it was like a ten-year-old girl's making. But hey, it was fun to watch.

Ah, where is the troll face when you need it?

In the end, the group of "friends" was divided in three: the Beth-side, with Beth (though she felt bad and she thought it was her fault just because she is a Sue and she needs to feel bad for everything), Gon, Killua, Kurapika and Léorio. The Marie-side with… Marie. And the no-one side with the narrator.

The narrator just looked at them all, looked at the endless river of tears of the poor Beth, looked at the emo "orz" state of the French.

The other examinees eventually showed up and even though they didn't know what the hell had happened they sided with the poor hurt Beth. Of course, duh. Choose between a goddess-alchemist-priestess-angel-heavenly-creatur e-friendly-with-everyone-with-9.75-bodies-and-s-mp any-more-powers-sexy-e-cup-boobed-girl (specially the five last words if you're a boy) and an irking-overproud-aristocrat-looking-up-on-everyone -with-such-a-flat-chest-that-it-was-like-a-compres sor-had-run-on-it-girl… (boys know what their instinct will tell them to look at.)

All of a sudden, they all heard a growling stomach, but for once it wasn't the narrator's. It was…

It was…

Suspense!

Yeah, as if.

…

Ah, by the way, the narrator felt like they had forgotten someone…

…

Where the hell was Ko? The gay guy who stopped being gay for Beth?

She looked around her and tried to see where he was.

And then, he suddenly popped up in thin air, since someone had finally remembered his existence.

But then he was vexed because no one had remembered him sooner, so he sulked near a tree and grew mushrooms. Seeing that, Beth came and tried consoling him, because even though she was herself feeling bad, she was a kind-hearted, generous girl, and she was helpful and godly, so if course she would help her nakama if anything happened!

So in the end Ko was thankful that he had been forgotten.

The two giganormous doors finally opened, revealing…

A genetically modified result of a combination of an elephant and a hippopotamus with a human, and a… pink-haired punk trying out the new fashion of the troll-braids-standing-on-your-head?

-sbaff-.

* * *

**A/N: the chapter was pretty weird… I myself think it may have been too random, but oh well. **

**No offense to Parisians or Chinese. I love Paris and the made in China thing is just a cliché you all heard about.  
And boys (if there are boys reading this), I'm not saying you're all perverts (with the last part of the chapter), it's just to enhance the fact they all the examinees chose Beth over Marie. The parody wasn't made to offend anyone, just to make fun of Mary-sues. Yes, not even Mary-sue-writers, even though those might feel targeted, it's not my aim. My OC used to be a Sue too. But see, you all, those who think your OCs are Sues, just do like me. HAVE A DESUEIFICATION.  
On a second random note, I KNOW what Bono really looks like, I read the manga. But it's a CRACK. STORY. So yeah. **

_**Nakama: companion, friend, kinda. **_

**Bye Nee! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Well. Hello.

… Aherm, yes, I know, it's been two years since I gave any proof or sign that I was still breathing and healthy somewhere in this cold world but… Better late than never, I guess?

Of course, I didn't randomly decide to write this chapter on a whim. It was mainly thanks to you guys. Let me explain.

First off, I recently received four guest reviews for the parody and it made me really happy! Thank you so much, guys! I was amazed people still read this story. Then, I must thank my friend Lyra Klaude who encouraged me to keep writing and who allowed me to borrow her OC Yuki and her seventeen-year-old Killua… *devilish laughter* No worries, I'll take gooood care of them… (did you notice the reference to Ada Wong? Did you? *sparkly eyes*) I must also thank her for helping me and giving me so many awesome ideas! Seriously, babe, you rock.

Finally, I must also thank imahungryspider who lifted my spirit thanks to her kind message on my tumblr! I swear, my eyes were so sparkly that they'd have melt my laptop if I were Superman. (lolwut?)

Do notice my style probably changed (hey, I wrote the last chapter, like, two years ago?) but I still hope you'll like it! Also, in this chapter, I'll introduce some guest characters (I just ruined the suspense some paragraphs above).

Anyway, on to the story!

* * *

Yuki cracked an eye open, then both, and furiously blinked, blinded by the bright light reflecting on the equally bright white walls. First, she noticed she couldn't move –cuffs around her wrists tied her to the metal chair she was seating on. And she also realized using her nen wouldn't help her. She was trapped, undeniably so.

She tried to remember what she was doing before landing there. Digging deep in her numbed mind, she searched and searched for the last image of her that she recalled. A blurry picture appeared in her head; the edges became sharper, the colors more defined until they gave birth to the memory she had been hoping to find.

Paperwork! That was what she was doing. Except she didn't remember working alone…

_Killua!_

She suddenly opened her eyes and quickly darted her eyes around, searching for a particular seventeen-year-old asshole. Relief filled her thoughts and materialized in a heavy sigh when she found him near her, in a similar chair, also seemingly trapped to his seat. He was waking up, groaning.

She scanned the room they were both trapped in, though she quickly realized there was nothing to look at. Literally. Apart from those two chairs and a weird wooden closet, the room was empty, and the blank walls emphasized that emptiness atmosphere. That sure wasn't going to make her feel at ease. However, looking more closely, she realized some figures were carved on the walls—a platypus eating broccolis, a polka-dotted lion featuring a soap opera, a weird bubbly character that looked like a cloud drinking tea—Wait, what?

"The fuck are we doing there?" the boy mumbled, still recovering from the shock. No, not the shock from waking up in a totally unknown room covered in dubiously creepy drawings and tied to a chair when he was supposed to be doing paperwork, no, not that. More like the shock of being unable the break the cuffs on his wrists and ankles—wasn't that his specialty back when he was still spending days in the Zaoldyeck's isolation room?

"No idea," she started, awkwardly fidgeting in a vain attempt to ease the soreness of her muscles. "But I feel like I'm not gonna like that…"

As if fate wanted to reply to her more-than-right answer in the most obnoxious way, the door brutally opened, a violent gush of wind blowing in the room and throwing back her black bangs on her eyes.

A girl went in.

There was nothing particular about her apart from the badge pinned on her shirt, a bright red 'AUTHOR' plastered on its white fabric. The way she swooned around them was really creepy though.

"Oh my gosh, it worked! I can't believe I just have you in front of my eyes it's just so terribly awesome and look at you oh my gosh you're just both so gorgeous and badass and oh my I just wish I could keep you forever with me and and…"

Silence followed these emotions-filled words of the obsessive-compulsive fangirl meeting her favorite characters.

They stared at her.

She grinned.

They stared.

She grinned. And grinned. And grinned.

"Who the hell is this?" Yuki finally spoke, then swiveled her head to glare at Killua. "She's one of your bimbos, isn't she?"

The author nearly combusted.

Killua's eyes bulged. "Wha—no! I've never seen her before in my entire life, I swear!" There was a pause. "Wait…" He squinted his eyes at the author. "Have I?"

When the steam stopped running from the author's ears, she collected herself.

"Welcome, fellow friends," she calmly said, seizing them with what she hoped to be a collected and imposing gaze, except it looked more like an overexcited kid's impatient gaze in front of a candy shop, nearly drooling in front of delicious sweets. "You don't know me, but I know you. You're probably wondering where you are. I'll tell you where you might be. I want you to make a choice. I brought you here because… I want to play a game."

"Okay, cut the Saw crap, who the hell are you?" Killua roared back at her and she hid behind the door. "You're the one who did this?"

Author coughed, then began proudly, "Well, I—"

Her almost-there speech was roughly interrupted by the heel of a projectile landing on her nose, a true work of art and precision, of exactitude and professionalism—and perhaps a little, just a little bit of deep annoyance—most likely black hiking boots. What a coincidence, Yuki's boots were exactly the same! That must have been a coincidence, right?

_Nooop_.

"If you really think you can stop us from fighting with that ridiculous cuff system, then you couldn't be more wrong!" Yuki growled, dexterously preparing the second shoe.

Author rubbed her injured nose, her voice coming out smothered and out a little nasaled. "No wait, I swear I'm not here to hurt you! Besides I'd never ever try to fight you, I can barely lift a dictionary!" She waved at her, instinctively covering herself. "Oh gosh I knew I should have told Mario to add the ankle-cuff system! When I think he's now gone on yet another endless trip to save his ignorant princess. Ah, men."

Yuki didn't exactly care about the author's rambling though. So during her monologue, she simply proceeded to throw the second shoe, which landed squarely on the author's forehead.

"Owww, that hurts!" the author whined. "Please Yuki," she tremblingly said, getting closer to the girl and trying to reach for her to calm her down— only to backtrack since the brunette tried to kick her.

"Just tell us why you brought us here!" Yuki yelled back once the author was far enough.

Author risked an eye, then two at them. She had expected that they'd fight back. But she would never have guessed that she'd have to handle a fiery lioness and a scary tiger.

"Okay, let me explain," the said 'author' started with a deep breath, "but first, I really want to welcome you here, Yuki and Killua! Your mommy was really adorable to let me borrow you for my project. But anyway, no worries, I'm not planning to torture you to death or let you starve in a pool of bleeding worms—wait, do worms bleed?—or to tickle you to exhaustion—did you just shudder, Yuki?—or to tie you to a giant fish with huge bulging eyes—Oh Killua, not that face. I just have a mission for you, guys. A FUNNY ONE I SWEAR! You're not gonna act like Totally Spies or anything!" she quickly added when the boy glared at her, casting a million and one poisoned draggers topped with starving leeches and super mega hot pepper sauce at her.

"A funny mission?" he scoffed, "let me guess, you'll have us eat each other's bowels in order to find some goddamned key to open a goddamned door and get out to bleed to death?" His acerb tone could have probably melted the cuffs tying him to his chair. The author was too busy hiding behind the door, don't mind her.

"I—I'm not Jigsaw you know… I just… need agents to keep me updated on my Mary-Sue project. I have already employed a narrator, who is doing an awesome job at narrating the parody in her own sick way—though I'm thinking of firing her cuz she's always mentioning me so it's no good—and Mr. Plot-hole who is here to feed the baby plot-holes so they get bigger and healthy until they swallow the whole parody altogether! AHAHAHAHAHA MAY THE GODS HELP ME IN MY QUEST!"

The captives shared a "dafuq" look.

"Anyway, my lovelies…" She rubbed her hands together, a mischievous smile plastered on her face. "All you'll need to do is join the already running hunter exam—"

"The WHAT? You mean, the hunter exam? THE hunter exam? You want us to—"

"Stop, stop, stop, Killua. This WILL be funny—"

"_Funny_?" Yuki scoffed. "Kidnapping underage people and cuffing them to a chair is funny? And you seriously think we're gonna believe that?"

"And you seriously believe we're gonna let you live once we're uncuffed?" Killua added.

"Listen to me, please. You're taken back to five years ago, when Killua was still a kiddy Zoaldyeck proudly rolling on your skateboard. Basically, Yuki and you will re-pass the hunter exam and follow the wonderful group of friends. Except… a few people have joined them." She coughed and shot her brightest smile at them, "The group is composed of Gon, Kurapika and Leorio, and of course, my little baby Killua who happens to be your younger self…

"His what? One Killua is more than enough, thank you very much," the blue-eyed girl jeered. As for the boy, he didn't know anymore whom to glare at—the choice was getting difficult.

The author's eyebrow twitched.

"They were joined by a gay guy who became straight when meeting the Mary-Sue, a stereotyped aristocratic French bitch who shares the same love interest as the Mary-Sue, and, well, the narrator. Oh and of course, THE dear Mary-Sue, named Beth, is here too."

"Wait, I don't understand this whole 'younger Killua' concept, you mean, I'll meet twelve-year-old Killua?" Yuki asked, glancing at Killua who groaned—again.

"Yes. Because this is another story, so another timeline."

"And do we earn anything by agreeing to this mission?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Of course, baby. Well, the first reward is probably a trip to the past: you'll meet bratty Killua, isn't that awesome? Stop glaring at me, Killua, I'm not backing off. This is obviously not the only reward, of course. I'm paying you, Yuki, all the donuts you want. Besides, you can't refuse cuz your mommy is gonna be mad at you. Beware. You know her angers are quite LEGEN—wait for it—DARY!"

As she said that, the author pushed a red button on a remote she had brought with her, and Yuki's cuffs loosened and dropped on the ground, freeing her. She rubbed her wrists, eyeing the author with curious eyes.

The author couldn't be sure she had tamed her—was it even possible, first of all, to tame that girl?—but she knew she had managed to calm her down. The idea of a reward was appealing. The fact that she hadn't hurled herself at the author to pull her eyes out was a good start.

"As for you, Killua… Well, I promise to give you all the chocolate you want!"

"Why aren't you freeing me too?" he hissed, still trying to break the cuffs.

"Because you'll beat me to a bloody pulp if I do so."

"Of course I will. Now let me go and I'll only beat you. Not to a bloody pulp. I promise."

"No way in hell I'll believe you. Listen, if you agree not to beat me, I double the amount of chocolate you'll have…" she paused and glanced at the black-haired girl, "and I'll grant one wish for you. Any wish."

Yuki didn't feel particularly reassured by this glance.

"Oh because you're also a genie?" he spat, displaying his best 'are you fucking kidding me' face.

"I did manage to teleport you and trap you with cuffs your nen had no effect on, right?"

He narrowed his eyes, though he looked convinced. Then, the author pushed another button and his cuffs dropped. He was free to beat anyone but he decided to behave (there was chocolate as a prize, c'mon).

"ALRIGHTY, MY LOVELY BABIES!" Follow me! I'll give you a few tools you'll need!"

The crazy author dashed out of the room, soon followed by a curious and slightly amused Yuki and a, hm… mad furious angry grumpy moody Killua (this is an euphemism) mumbling to himself that once his mission was done, and once the chocolate was his, and once his wish was granted, that imbecile would eat dust —literally.

They stopped in front of a glass-door that the author graciously pushed, ever so graciously that the door knob dropped and broke. Cursing, she let the young characters in and quickly headed toward her desk.

"First off, you'll need to take those Anti-Sue pills every two hours. Or else, ughh, you don't want to know what would happen to you. Beleeeive me, the Mary Sue effects are horribly intense and powerful. Even bacteria were victims of it. EVEN PLANKTON. SO BEWARE. DO. NOT. FORGET. THOSE. PILLS."

They calmly nodded, catching the little medication boxes she threw at them.

"Then, here are your magical unicorn horns. You should put them one like that," she placed some ridiculous rainbow horn that looked a lot like Italian ice-cream on her forehead, though she quickly realized joking around wasn't welcomed when Killua brutally punched the wall. "MY WALL! Oh c'mon, man, stop! I was KIDDING, okay?"

"Are you on LSD, roofies or something? You are literally too stupid to insult." He glared as Yuki patiently eyed the scary-looking tools the author was putting on the desk. A handgun, a semi-auto rifle, a mine-thrower, a shotgun, a TMP, a scythe, an axe, a morning star, a claymore, a mini iron-maiden. How could her little drawer contain so many weapons? The blue-eyed girl shook her head.

"Whoops, wrong roo—I mean, drawer," the author muttered to herself, abruptly closing it and rushing to another drawer at the very opposite of the room. Killua came closer to the desk on which the weapons were and smirked as he carefully took the semi-auto rifle and feigned to aim at the author.

"No!" Yuki hissed, rolling her eyes and gently punching his shoulder. Though instead of stopping him, she stole the weapon from his hands and tried it herself. "Just let me show you how to use this baby," she murmured, aiming at the ceiling light and shooting, causing it to collapse on the floor. The author flinched and stepped back, shrieking like a little girl and panicking, summoning all the possible saints and gods she could think of.

"Whoops." Yuki smirked and they high-fived.

The author glared at them, hands on her hips, mumbling to herself about how much of 'jerks' they were, but she quickly got back to her work.

"Oh dear, where the hell did I put them?" the author whined, throwing a watermelon-seed-remover on the ground, followed by a bishi-radar and a cake-baking-pencil-sharpener that looked like it hadn't been used for long.

"The Mary-Poppins-syndrome seemed to be widespread these days," she briefly commented, sitting on the desk and crossing her legs while the author was still fussing around.

"Oh, there they are!" Author finally exclaimed, pulling out two black suitcases –or at least trying to. Well, the author wasn't exactly a very strong person. So, she showed her prettiest sparkly puppy eyes to beg for help.

"Bitch please," the silver-haired said, raising his arms and shaking his head in a 'Heeell, no, don't even think I'd ever help a creep like you' manner. Finally, Yuki reluctantly approached her, not before grimacing at Killua, and she pulled out the two suitcases.

"Thank you!" The author rushed to the suitcases, bouncing like a little girl on the ground. She opened the suitcases. "Anyway my babies, here's what you'll need! First, your hunter badges. The exam has started since long but don't worry; Mr. Plot-hole will cover this for you. You both have cellphones just like the narrator's that will be very useful to contact her. She already knows you're coming, so let her guide you. You also both have a Guide that will explain in details what Mary-Sue-ness is. You could read it during a break. Since I want you to write a report, I gave you all the necessary tools—camera, voice-recorder, clipboard, tablet, and bananas."

"Bananas?" Yuki dubiously echoed.

"Yes. Bananas. Wait. Bananas?" the author narrowed her eyes. "Never mind, you might need that. Well, since I'm that awesome, the suitcases will transform to backpacks once you're with the narrator so it's easier for you to drag them along. And, since I'm that amazing, I'll give you more tools at any moment that will randomly appear in your bags. I'm sure you'll love that—oh, don't make those faces, please. You might need to change your names. Erm, not Yuki, since there's no canon character named Yuki—"

"Canon what?" they both questioned, interrupting her.

"Canon characters. Well, you'll soon learn what they are. But yes, Killua you'll need to change your name. What do you prefer, John Smith or Moody McBroodster?" she asked though she backed off when he glared at her (that was getting repetitive). "Of course you can choose your name though. Go ahead."

"Good for you. Well…" he thought for a moment. "I think I'll be Ben."

"Carlos," Yuki suggested.

"Okay then, Ben Carlos," he concluded.

"Fairly well." With those last words, she pushed a button—was there a button for any task in there?—and a bright door opened, so bright they couldn't see what was on the other side. "Once you'll be gone in that door, your mission will start. Any last wish before you leave?"

"Yeah." Killua stepped toward her. "Can I take the rifle?"

The author shrugged. "Do as you wish."

And taking the rifle he did, crowning his new baby with a smirk Yuki knew too well. And that smirk meant he was up to something. And he indeed was; he rapidly aimed at the other ceiling light and agilely shot it, bragging about his mad shooting skills to the brunette.

"MY CEILING LIGHTS! OH YOU… YOU ARE A DISASTER!" the author started throwing a fit and simply stopped to wimp and pout

"Just go!"

"Fair enough. I request the highest of five though," he offered to Yuki, and both high-fived yet again.

Then, Yuki nudged him and they both walked toward the door and passed it.

The echo of the author's last words reached them, like a faraway voice from beyond the grave.

"MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR… Oh, who are we kidding, you're both so screwed."

* * *

The narrator was impatient to meet the new guests. The more the merrier right? She noticed the clock, that used to indicate noon, and that was now back to 11:30 am… Herm, what? The door revealing the pink-haired examiner with her hippopotamus friend had closed too… Again, what?

Apparently, Mr. Plot-hole had decided to go back in time to give some time to the new guests. They sure needed some time to get used to the mess they'd witness… She turned her eyes to her "friends" as they liked to call themselves (or more like, as Gon liked to call them).

Marie was still sulking on forever-alone mode, and all the others were swooning over Beth who was crying in Leorio's arms. Oh the look of pure blissful happiness on his face was epic, he looked just like he had reached all his goals in his life and owned the universe and could even possibly stop every war on every galaxy to protect every single living thing in every single place around the universe. In all the existing galaxies. Holding Beth was THAT powerful, and that was probably only a hundredth of what he truly felt. It was so powerful that he was immune to the glares of all his friends.

Yes, all of them. Even Gon.

Oh yes, try to picture a glaring Gon, experiencing jealousy, envy, and a whole lot of negative feelings mixed in a poisoned concoction that simply made him shamelessly out of character.

Anyway, the narrator profited that no one was paying to her to scan her surroundings in order to spot the guests: a petite black-haired and blue-eyed girl and a tall silver-haired asshole.

Her height didn't really help her though. Not at all.

But the gods had apparently heard her complain and she soon received the Hiking Boot of Way to Go on her skull –that hurt. A lot. But at least she was now sure they had spotted her. Raising her head, she noticed someone hurriedly and angrily walking toward her. He seemed be dragging someone along.

"YOU! What the hell are you doing here!" he angrily said, pointing a finger at her.

"Hm, hello? Have we met anywhere before that?"

"Killua, calm down! This is the narrator, not the author…" Yuki tried to reason him, squeezing his arm. "Besides she has my boot, and there's no way I give up on that one.

"OH you thought I was that idiot! Well, sorry sweetie, but no. I look like the author. But I'm not the author. If I were, believe me, there wouldn't be such a mess."

The boy didn't particularly like being called 'sweetie', but he decided to ignore that, eager to focus on his task and get out of this mess as soon as possible. Well, the narrator knew he'd be there for quite some time, so if he was hoping for it to end fast, then he was probably being fooled.

"Anyway, just tell us what to do and quick," he continued, hands on his hips, in a bad-boy manner that would have melt her away if she wasn't on duty.

"Right… Well, they're right here, just come and I'll introduce them to you- Oh, have you taken the pills? You might want to do so or else, you'd probably die of blood-loss from massive nose bleeding. She is THAT powerful. I swear, a massive destruction weapon."

"Uh, yeah we took them," she finally turned her attention to the narrator, "I suppose we'd probably be dead by now if we hadn't taken them, I read in the Guide's introduction that the 'Sue effects' are extremely strong, still effective in a radius of at least one kilometer."

"Oh yes. And the effects are permanent, unless you're taking those pills," the narrator added, shrugging.

"What would happen if we gave them to the 'canon characters'?" the girl asked again.

"No idea. They've been designed for us, not for them. Oh well, come closer –Yuki and Ben Carlos, right?"  
They both nodded and followed the narrator.

They knew the sight of the group would shock them. They had tried to mentally prepare themselves for anything they could witness –Gon as a caveman trying hard to fight back a meanie dragon spitting raging flames at him, Kurapika happily bouncing near Leorio in a magical girl uniform, Leorio dressed as a stripper playing poker on a palm tree, Baby Killua as a cheerleader performing a ridiculous choreography to support the examinees... But that was far beyond any expectation. ANY.

This was a bit like a zoo… or perhaps a beehive. The Sue –who was the girl that no description could suit weeping in Leorio's arms- was the Queen Bee and all the others were trying to see her, approach her, help her, serve her, smell a tiny bit of her godly and magnificent scent (ahaha it rhymes) in order to feel a thousandth of heavenly bliss and, who knows, perhaps even reach the peak of life's mountain and eternally stay there in the middle of bouncing bunnies and cuddling kitties.

They seriously didn't know if they should laugh or cry or scream or run away while waving their arms to try to alert anyone to pick them up and save them from the mess… but Yuki settled for biting her lips to suppress a laughter that was going to be loud if not refrained, and Ki- Ben Carlos grimaced – a grimace that spoke thousands of words coming directly from his pride. Baby Killua had disappointed him. And greatly so.

Indeed, the twelve-year-old Zoaldyeck was busy staring at the multicolor-haired and rainbow-eyed creature in his older friend's arms. Well, staring was quite the soft word; he was practically eye-devouring her with the most sparkly eyes a boy could display, blushing, panting, awkwardly hopping on one foot then another. Oh, and he was also glaring at Leorio.

Now as to how it could be possible to both look that femininely endeared and murderously jealous, that was another problem.

Ben Carlos (remember, the oldie Killua) gawped when witnessing his younger self's behavior, his twitching eyebrow being the best proof of the utter shock he had been plunged into.

"Who the hell is that wuss?" he quietly hissed to Yuki, who was genuinely entertained.

"That would be you," she amusingly replied.

He mumbled some unintelligible words, looking away, both ashamed and shameful.

The narrator loudly coughed to catch her fellows' attention.

"Hm, hey guys! I have new friends to present you…"

She had barely finished this sentence that Beth, who had stopped crying, immediately cast her most tender, her happiest smile.

"New friends! Oh Yui-chan please introduce them!"

… that was one quick recovery. Well, Beth was friendly. On top of being kind, intelligent, accepting, understanding, strong-willed, quick-thinking, cute, adorable… and well you know the lyrics by heart, is there any need to repeat that infinite list all the time (repeat the infinite, impossible but see it's Beth, get it?) You could even complete this list, give all the possible qualities you'd think of, and they would still fit. Even if they're contradicting.

But Beth has flaws too. Remember, awful sense of orientation that made her go to the toilets instead of heading to Masadora (Yes, she cleared Greed Island, duh). And she's clumsy (though it always makes her look cute, double duh). Well, her flaws were only for her benefit.

"Yui-chan?" the little voice of a curious Gon woke the narrator up.

"Oh yes, sorry. Anyway, here are Yuki and Ben Carlos, they don't know anyone in there and they're a bit awkward and lost, so I thought it would be nice if they tagged along!"

Ben Carlos narrowed his eyes at the hypocritical narrator, acting all sweet when she was probably mocking them all –him included. Awkward and lost? That was hilarious.

"Awww of course they can tag along!" Beth exclaimed, her eyes shining a gorgeous and mellifluous hue of pink. Well, of course, her eyes are mellifluous, they sing too. You didn't know? Ah, now you do.

"Thank you, that's really sweet," Yuki smiled, enjoying her mission. She didn't have the opportunity to see a Killua behaving like a sissy all the time, so that was pretty funny.

Beth wiped the tears away from her face and beamed at them.

"My name is Elisabetha Amour Cristalline Lorelay Luna Aquaheart Gracemoonbeam Tsukinohikari The Third Princess of The Lost Kingdom of Diamonds Lullabies, I don't remember who I am, all that I have is that name that doesn't seem to tell much about myself… and my necklace. So I'm here to become a hunter and find clues about my identity!"

Huh, yes, the plot changed. You didn't expect that, right? Well get used to it.

Yuki promptly smiled at this very thorough speech. Ben Carlos, on the other hand, didn't seem like he'd want to shut up.

"Aren't you just the lost princess of that freaking long-ass kingdom as you said in your name?"

Beth widened her eyes in shock… Ben Carlos had just… given her a way to start her investigation…

"But… Could it be… That I'm the The Third Princess of The Lost Kingdom of Diamonds Lullabies?" she softly whispered, glinting eyes enhancing her sudden realization.

"… Yeah, I guess?" he replied.

The Sue gently grabbed his hands, tear-filled eyes topping her thankful, grateful smile that would make any toothpaste commercial model die of jealousy.

"Ben Carlos… thank you… You just… made me realize something great… I just don't know how to thank you!"

"Just let go of my hands?"

And so she did. She didn't look any surprised or vexed or offended, she was too happy for that. Of course she never noticed something so obvious, even though she's so damn intelligent. Can't help it.

Her loyal knights-in-a-shining-armor didn't particularly appreciate the demeanor of the older silver-haired boy towards their godly angel.

"Who do you think you are to talk to her that way?" Killua (the baby one, of course) hissed at him, suddenly threatening to use his sharpest claws on his older self (do note that no one noticed the way they looked alike).

"Someone in their right mind?" Ben Carlos raised an eyebrow when Yuki stopped him halfway before he ended up 'beating the shit of that Care Bears wuss', as he would probably put it.

"Sorry, he didn't mean it, he was just joking. He loves joking around, right, Carlie?" she tried to make up for him. She brutally pinched his forearm while he opened his mouth to protest. "See, he's a very gentle boy… He just has troubles expressing himself, he probably meant, 'I'm so happy I was able to help such a lovely person like you, Beth', see?"

The littler boy narrowed his eyes.

"Come on, you're so cute, don't make such a face…" she patted his silver curls though he disgustingly removed her hand from his head, taking it between his thumb and index and swiftly hopped away. She forced a smile until he was far enough, and then pinched Ben Carlos again.

"Hey! I didn't say anything!"

"Your younger self has a face I'd love to see stuck to my fist. Or my heels—both. That would work too."

"Not my fault…"

The narrator coughed again to call out for them. "Guy? You still don't know the others."

They both nodded (what a pathetic lie).

The first one to introduce was Gon.

"Hi, my name's Gon! I'm glad to meet you! I want to find my father Ging Freecs, who is, LEGEN—wait for it—DADDY! Legendaddy! That's why I decided to take part to the exam. And it's fun! I made a loooot of new friends, hihi! See, I got to know, hmmm…" he stopped to think and counted on his fingers, "Myself, Killua, Kurapika, Leorio, Beth-chan, Yui-chan, Ko, Marie… And yes!"

They all applaud at the very thorough speech, just as if Gon had just blurted out the most brilliant medicine thesis to end twelve years of hard work, as if her had just earned a doctorate. They somehow guessed it was a weird tradition, so both Yuki and Ben Carlos awkwardly applauded too. Were they all going to introduce in this speech-like way?

The little Zoaldyeck prepared himself.

"I'm Killua. And fuck you." He pointed at Ben Carlos.

Actually, Ben Carlos was the only one to applaud (along with Beth of course, what did you think?) He seemed to be sincerely smiling, as if he had found back some of his pride.

"Brilliant. Deep. Brutally smart. I'm proud."

Yuki's facepalm at her friend's comment was evocative.

"But, Ben Carlos, you shouldn't encourage Killua to be rude!" Beth scolded him as everyone (even the other examinees who didn't give a shit about anything else) "awwww-ed". How cute she was with her hands on her hips. "Killua, don't say rude words. It's bad. Apologize now. And kiss Ben Carlos to make up for it, you probably hurt him very much!"

The littler Zoaldyeck glared at the seventeen-year-old who seemed to be pleading him not to listen to her and end up ridiculous. _Do not stain my reputation you little idiot_, he thought.

But the power of love was stronger and Killua muttered a strangled "I'm very sorry for hurting your feelings, that was mean and I regret that", and then he somehow found a way to match with the tall Ben Carlos to lay a little childish kiss on his cheek.

That was enough to ruin his reputation for the rest of his life. And even past that. Ben Carlos was about sure this version of him would reincarnate in a rainbow unicorn –perhaps the author wasn't joking when she tried to give him that multicolored unicorn horn…

"Wasn't that the cutest gesture ever, dearie Carlos-chan?" Yuki mockingly whispered, earning a defeated and almost desperate gaze from her friend.

"That was really sweet, Killua, come here, I'll kiss you to reward you!" Beth then exclaimed.

Oh.

Had she just…

Expressed the desire…

To kiss one of them?

To kiss someone?

Suddenly, the clouds all over the sky packed up together, casting titanic lightings and roaring exploding thunders. An apocalyptic choir coming from nowhere sang the ultimate complain of the dead who eternally suffered in the damned soul prison.

Hades himself showed up and raised his arms to stop the choir.

Stepping toward the godly Sue, he vociferated:

"Who is the arrogant mortal who dares thinking he owes a kiss from my angel Beth?"

The examinees were petrified.

Beth dared to step up. Because duh, who else would?

"You, the guardian of Hell! Showing up at a time like this? Who are you to defy the power of love?"

Her eyes had turned scarlet, her hair shone brightly a golden color. Defiantly matching the god's gaze.

Ben Carlos nudged Yuki and murmured in her ear, "That damn author isn't that dumb, she just gave us pop-corn to watch the show, open your backpack."

But then the sky turned back to normal. Just like that.

"Wait, sweetheart, the place you mortals know as Hell isn't the same as, you know, the one I guard. I'm not Satan or anything, I'm just Hades, y'know? All the dead people go to my world, then depending on their action they either go to the 'good guy palace' or the 'bad guy prison' or the 'dead babies nursery' or the 'you're not going anywhere cause you killed yourself', see, babe?"

Beth madly blushed.

"Oh my Go—I mean, Oh my Zeus I'm so sorry, Hades! I thought you were a bad guy!" she teasingly stuck out her tongue and hit her head, and everyone, including Hades, 'awww-ed' again.

"No worries! Who's the guy you're about to kiss by the way? I'm slightly jealous. I want to witness that, your father would be proud."

"You…know my father?" she whispered, her inaudible voice translating her awe.

"Of course I do, everyone does. I thought you knew since you just called him," Hades shrugged.

"I… called him?"

"Yeah, you just said 'Oh my Zeus,' so…"

And Beth fainted.

The rush around her was pretty amusing, even Hades was fanning her so she quickly woke up. Examinees running, tossing and turning, screaming, crying… Oh, god, the crying.

"Jat'sh like watching a comejy in live," Ben Carlos commented, his mouth full of chewed pop-corn.

"Yeah, it'sh pretteh funneh shough, rightch?" Yuki replied, swallowing just as much pop-corn.

"Yeah. I mean, you jon't get choo shee Hadesh everyjay."

"Hadesh fanning a chick, you mean. Imagim whot Jei woulj shay if he shaw jat."

"Jon't mentiom baj luck, pleaje."

Suddenly, as they turned back to the circus scene, they noticed Beth was floating in a godly light, her gorgeous hair hiding her naked body.

"What a pity, that's probably what everyone wanted to see," Yuki rolled her eyes, though Ben Carlos only shrugged. "Wait, I have to film that for my report."

"Ah, true, you're gonna write the report." Ben Carlos yawned.

"You're gonna help me, idiot. Your first impressions?"

"Hm, they all turned to wusses."

"Fine, we'll write that tonight."

Yuki held her camera high enough to capture everyone.

But a few seconds later, it was already over.

"Wait, whaaat—"

Oh, Hades was gone. He had hugged Beth tightly and wished her luck to find her mother, since she now knew who her father was.

He had thoroughly explained her that Zeus had a bothering habit to forget who the mothers of his kids were. There were so many. And well, that wasn't going to help her.

"Reminds me of a certain someone." Yuki narrowed her eyes sideways at Ben Carlos, who simply looked away with an arrogant shrug.

"I really have no idea what you're talking about."

Beth came back to them.

She turned back to Killua (the little one, no confusion…) and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you, Killua… thanks to you, I know more about myself."

And then he got the kiss she had promised, a little butterfly tickling his cheek.

"The kid looks so red I'm wondering why he hasn't fainted yet," Yuki quietly commented, eying the little Zoaldyeck with a curious expression.

Ben Carlos nodded. "Write that down: attention from that Sue-girl turn awesome badass kids like the one I used to be to ridiculous wimpy sissies."

"Are you trying to save the little pride left in that tiny self-esteem of yours?" she bounced back on his request, though he didn't reply.

The narrator quite appreciated that those two were there; she had less work to do and much less ridiculous scenes to comment.

Beth came back toward them.

"Now, I only have to find my mother."

Everyone nodded. And applauded. Weird tradition, again.

"Anyway, Killua, you hadn't finished introducing!" She beamed again, squeezing the boy's cheeks.  
"No, I was done," he looked away, flustered. She pinched his cheek one last time and turned to Kurapika, implying that it was his turn.

"My name is Kurapika, I am the only survivor of the Kuruta tribe. My fellows were all slaughtered five years ago… Ruthlessly, brutally, violently, pitilessly…" she stopped and held a hand at his heart in a dramatic manner, "And now, my goal is to find the Spiders and avenge my tribe!"

And everyone applauded, again. Until Kurapika lost control and broke into warm tears. The tears of vengeance. _Dun dun dun dun!_

Being the good friend she was, Beth hugged him.

"I… just… want… to…be… loooooved!" the blond boy hiccupped, still lulled by the gorgeous Mary-sue.  
The sight of the strict and severe Kurapika crying his eyes out in a girl's arms and hiccupping like a toddler who couldn't control his emotions was hilarious, and Ben Carlos didn't fail to notice that. He quite succeeded at seeing that, actually, so well that he started crying too –of laughter, obviously.

He slapped his thigh and bent over, his sore abs aching because of the compulsive laughter he was victim of, still madly crying and unable to stop the hilarious frenzy he just got trapped in. Yuki awkwardly tried to cover up for him.

"He is very sensitive. He cries when he sees people crying. Don't mind him."

Beth reassured her, patting the blondie's head. Then, Leorio proceeded to present himself while Ben Carlos regained his composure, wiping away the maniac guffaw tears he had shed.

"Hm, I'm Leorio, I AM NO TWENTY YET, and I want money. A lot of money."

Yuki and Killua looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Leorio, you're not a bad person! Why don't you tell them you want money to become a doctor and save people!" Beth scolded, still holding the wimpy Kuruta in her arms.

"Well… that's true. I'm sorry. I actually… want to be a doctor, to save people who don't have enough money to heal their illnesses…" he paused, his upcoming words were going to be hard to pronounce.

Yuki and Killua looked at each other and pouted mockingly.

"My friend once died of an illness we could have cured if we had money… And I…"

More clapping, yay! A choir of sincere encouragements from all the examinees. Oh yeah, this was the new Miss Hunter day. But unfortunately, the wannabe doctor also yielded to his devastating sadness and sorrowfully bawled. Of course Beth hugged him too. She had two shoulders, one for each friend to let them cry on.

Problem was, all the other examinees started crying to. Everyone wanted to cry on Beth's shoulder, after all.  
"That's gonna be a problem to console all this weeping people," Ben Carlos commented, crossing his arms and casually shrugging.

The narrator narrowed her eyes, shaking her head.

"Never underestimate a Mary-Sue, Dearest Bennie."

"It's Carlie," Yuki protested.

The narrator's prediction was true.

When she realized so many people needed her held, Beth used this jutsu skill and duplicated herself in enough clones to hug everyone.

"This is becoming quite crowded," the narrator noticed, glancing at the guests whose poker-faces showed they still weren't used to this Sue politic.

The clones all started singing and everyone was back to normal, and everyone was happy once again. _Bravo, bravo!_

The only one who didn't cheer was Marie. And to punish her, Zeus cast a bold lightning from his sky-palace on the Olympus and Marie disappeared.

There, one less bother for Beth. No one noticed that. And no one ever would.

Finally, when all the examinees decided to mind their business, Ko introduced.

"My name is Ko and I love Beth."

Well then Beth hugged him and you know the rest.

As for Marie, no one would ever bother about her depressive arrogant demeanor. Ever.

No worries though, it would always be easy to find someone to replace her, someone who'd have the same love interests as Beth, who would hate her with all her guts and whatever.

And then, the door of the second exam opened, revealing Menchi and Buhara, the examiners.

Oh and everyone passed it and everyone was happy. The end.

…Hahaha, just kidding. No, that wasn't funny actually.

The second exam was going to happen, kids, and the narrator knew too well the basic rule of anime concerning it: if the situation was already a mess, then expect some cooking session to make it even more of a chaotic mess.

The guests had had just enough time to discover the Mary-Sue-syndrome and work on it.

Now, things were starting to get serious, with the second exam, the cooking exam. Very serious.

Or not.

* * *

**A/N:** Voilà! A long chapter to crown two years of inactivity. I really don't know if I'd be able to maintain a regular update pace; I'm going to college and it's not gonna be easy, specially that I didn't choose easy studies. But anyway, I'll try to be less sporadic.

By the way, I'll soon be publishing a new fanfiction (a serious one this time, not a parody) entitled Mirror, featuring my HxH OC, Hanaiko. Here is the summary for those who would be interested to read it:

_Two years later, their determination to find Ging Freecs led them back to York Shin City. All hell breaks loose when a mysterious assassin leads a ruthless vendetta against the mafia. Desperate to get closer to their goal, Gon and Killua agree to help a hunter assigned on this case, along with her daughter, Hanaiko. Except, they have no idea how messed up it would get. KilluaxOC._

Again, special thanks to Lyra Klaude who helped me organize my thoughts for both the summary and the story! And who beta-read this chapter too, and edited some parts. Really, thank you baby!

Anyway, tell me what you thought of this chapter, give me suggestions if you have any or remind me any you had any before, I'm listening! I love reading your reviews, they make me happy. So please share your thoughts, I'd be happy to head about them!

Thanks for reading!

Bye nee!


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